Hellogenation

2012 Goal #3: Be Healthy

2012-01-29T19:50:00.000-08:00

As much as I want to title this goal as "get hot attempt number 2658361284" I figured I'd be more realistic and make an over arching goal of being healthy both physically and mentally.

In terms of the physical aspect, my attention is focused on eating healthier and balanced meals. In addition to exercising on a more consistent basis, I want to focus on getting back into the hobbies I miss so much: swimming and badminton.

In terms of mentally, I want to learn how to better manage quickly changing situations and not get so worked up over things. My partner has suggested Yoga in the past. I guess it might be worth trying out again.

2012 Goal #2: Level Up

2012-01-27T17:43:00.000-08:00

Investing isn't the only area where I want to improve. Another area of focus of where I'm doubling down is in terms of my career. My goal is grow and take on additional responsibilities such that I qualify for a promotion within the next year.

Ever since my last promotion I've been taking it easy. I've mostly kept my head down and only here and there had any cause to make my name any more memorable than that new guy they just hired. As much as I would like to not be dependent on someone else to maintain my lifestyle, it doesn't erase the fact that I currently do; and must for the next few years at minimum. Can I be content where I am now? Yes, I could; but what's the fun in that?

If you're going to do something, be the best at it... and focus on it.

A couple weeks ago I sat down with my friend whom I mentioned briefly before. I've been trying to decide what's the next best step for my career would be and I was asking his input. While we chatted, he had some constructive criticism that I didn't take so well at first. However, I'm glad he said it because it really forced me to see things another way.

He told me there are really two types of people in business:

1) The manager - the guy who manages people, pushes projects, gets things done, sits in meetings all day long, you get the idea.

2) The worker - the guy who actually gets things done, the one who stays overtime and brings a sleeping bag into the office.

He asked me which person am I? I told him that I've been complimented on both so I would think I've managed to do decently well in both areas. He replied,

"If I may, if you say you're strong at both, that means you're good a neither."

I lashed out at first but later retracted and apologized saying it was difficult to hear that; especially from a recently made friend whom I've only know for a few months. However, I appreciated the comment because it's what I need to hear.

He suggested I pick one and stick with it. It's better to be known as the expert in one area rather he claimed. However, even weeks after the talk, I still struggle with it. A part of me rebels against the notion that you can only maintain one or the other. I feel like you need to be a good (2) in order to be an effective (1). Then again, at the manager level, how much work do they actually get done?

2012 Goal #1: Back on Track

2012-01-26T19:29:00.000-08:00

Home investing is no where near as easy as it sounds in any book. It's a dirty business that will leave your hands feeling raw and sore... at least it's how it makes me feel. Physically I'm doing perfectly fine and I don't wake up each morning with sores covering my body. However, it's a mental challenge that leaves me beat an exhausted. However, once things are working, it feels extremely rewarding... so I hope.

Remember awhile back I wrote about my partner and I acquiring another property? Well, 4 months later and the deal fell through because of the seller's fault. I'm sure you're thinking, why wouldn't a seller want to sell? That's what we thought too, but it is what it is. We took a financial loss on it and now are getting into other legal issues with the contractor we were going to be working with. See how this is turning into a big headache?

I've read in many books how lucrative the rental real estate business is and it's always made me wonder why some people would find it so hard that they just want to get out. I mean sure there can be crappy tenants, but all in all, as long as you step carefully, it doesn't seem that difficult. Now, I totally understand why rental real estate is not for everyone and it's not just because of tenants. Bad contractors or home inspectors can really ruin your day.

I know that in the long run, once you get to a certain point in the rental real estate business, things become easier because a larger operation can start to take economic advantage of various services that make you simply can't use when you're small. Unfortunately getting to that tipping point is a daunting task.

What's the fastest way to make a million dollars?
Start with two million.

Once you have wealth, it's a lot easier to maintain wealth.

One of my primary goals this year is to revitalize my commitment to rental home investing. It's my goal that by the time I'm entering the third decade of my life, I would have enough rental income to exceed my current salary. I would probably continue to work in some limited fashion (I actually do enjoy my work), but the relief of not relying on another stranger to live is the ultimate prize.

Then as I raise my family, I'll write a book and become rich like Robert Kiyosaki. =P Well, we'll see.

By the way, if you're curious and don't have much knowledge about controlling your financials, I'd recommend Increase Your Financial IQ. It's a quick easy read that will really get you thinking differently about money. Otherwise, there are much better books beyond his Rich Dad series about how to really do real estate investing like Two Years to a Million in Real Estate.

Happy Chinese New Years: Year of the Dragon

2012-01-23T15:24:00.000-08:00

I was looking for a cool photo to post that represented a dragon, but why am I trying to kid myself? I know the real reason why you guys are here. Enjoy ;)

No You're Wrong

2012-01-15T22:01:00.000-08:00

I was reading Engadget when I came across an article talking about LightSquared. The article was short, but the comments were rather hilarious to me:

So, who do you believe is right?

Worms

2012-01-12T22:01:00.000-08:00

What's worse than finding a worm in an apple?

Finding half a worm of course.

My partner and I had such an experience today. We were starting to prep food for dinner when we saw this peculiar pinkish squiggle on the raw fish. We had already eaten half of it so we were confused as to what it could be. Upon closer inspection it turned out to be some sort of worm... under the wrapping... which means it most likely came out of the raw fish... wait. Did we just...?

Who knew worms can be found in raw fish? Apparently you do now.

Bleh

2012-01-11T15:54:00.000-08:00

What a day. Seriously.

After a rather chaotic day yesterday, everyone was rather apprehensive trying to piece together the news of what was going on at work. Only later on in the day did the true extent of what happened become clear (announced). Essentially a lot of higher ups were laid off. After trimming the staff for such a long time, we ended up with more managers than workers. Everyone knew about it and it seems the business finally acted on it. It was sad to see the people leave and also sad to see the department I once worked for dissolved and rebuilt with much less freedom. This was also the least of the changes out of the three departments announced.

This would be the third time my group has remained unscathed by both a downsizing and re-organization in the past few years. Granted the group I work in is already small (you can count the number of us on one hand), but overall it's not the individual in our group I get worried about; it's our group as a whole.

It's these kinds of events that make me glad that I'm actively working to remove my dependence on a 9 to 5 job.

On another note, I was really surprised to find a post by a person who I was following for many years, but hadn't seen write for a very long time. However, I came to realize that it wasn't the original person. In fact, the name was just recycled after a year of being offline. I tried to figure out a way to contact them to find their new blog, but unfortunately everything was already shut down. So if you (Caligula Sanchez) still happen to read my blog, let me know where your new one is. I didn't realize you switched to another.

The Economy

2012-01-10T19:14:00.000-08:00

Recent reports that the economy is recovering have started to permeate the news. The general public was responding positively to the news. So was I...

Until layoffs started happening today. Up to a high level of management, people have been let go and the word is that today was only the beginning.

Ugh, I hate this feeling.

Just Another Day

2012-01-05T20:29:00.000-08:00

The other day one of my coworkers brought in a gaming system and set it up to the projector in our conference room. Suddenly, I find my really boring conference calls not so boring. Hey! At least I'm no longer falling asleep in the middle of the calls.

Le Minh Hieu

Goodbye 2011

2012-01-04T20:26:00.000-08:00

The year 2011 was full of many many memories and it's hard for me to believe that a year has already come and gone. A year ago I lived down the street in an apartment. Despite the fact that I kept the thermostat near 70º F most of the time, I could never feel warm in that apartment. It would be a number of months later when I realized how poor the insulation was in the apartment and how the heat simply escaped through the walls (and floors for that matter).

I was also in the throws of going through my first property purchase ever, where each night I stressed about if I was doing the right thing and my partner sat besides me trying to calm me down. It worked most of the time, but there would be some days where I would constantly pour over the documents looking for the one thing I might have missed.

My actuarial exams also loomed around the corner. I would pour over my schedule trying to figure out a way to balance the loads of studying, working, and keeping an eye on the renovation work on the house I was trying to purchase. Do I take the time to seriously sit down and study or do I use that time to monitor to on going renovations? It was a constant struggle and a constant battle. The first time the renovation workers saw me, they didn't believe I was the owner. I was "too young."

It would be only a couple of months when it is revealed to me the massive damage to the house overlooked by the home inspector I hired (always higher a proper, licensed home inspector; demand for a copy of their license). So on top of the renovations, the exams, work, and life in general, I must take on a civil lawsuit. After several months of battling it out, I would eventually win my case, although my monetary compensation would be half of what it should have been due to legal limitations.

It would also be in this year where I would see my first friend to get married. To see another have their first child. And to see many other friends for the first time in years.

To finally write about all this in the past tense is a huge relief. So many hours of planning, so many hours of stress, worry, and constant thinking. In the end, things came out okay. But it doesn't end there.

A new year means new goals.

New goals means a fresh set of challenges.

Challenges that need to be met head on.

I just realized I never wrote any goals for 2011... Well, I guess I was too preoccupied at the time. Unfortunately, I won't be able to do goal reviews this time, but it's something I like to do. My three or so goals for 2012 is forthcoming (I'm still finalizing them).

What are some of your goals for 2012? I'm curious if you don't mind sharing.

Oops

2011-12-25T23:26:00.000-08:00

I want to apologize to the people who emailed me at my contact on this blog in the past year. Over a year ago I ditched my old email monitoring program and it never occurred to me that in doing so, I stopped receiving updates for my contact here in this blog in particular. Only recently did I come to realize I had missed those messages.

I have since fixed the issue and your messages will be read and replied to! I'm sorry for my apparent silence to your words. It was unintentional.

Happy Holidays

2011-12-24T09:58:00.000-08:00

Robert Trinh

Holiday Joy

2011-12-20T16:55:00.000-08:00

A number of people have been asking me what my plans are for the holiday break. Even though I nearly have a week off as this year comes to a close, I suspect people are slightly surprised when I say, "Nothing." It's either that or people just don't know how to continue the conversation from that point. I guess most people expect my partner and I to go out and travel, but I don't really see the need to. Don't get me wrong, I like to travel, but I like to do it on my own time, when I choose, not be at the mercy of the holiday madness.

I guess I'm odd that way. I know my partner complains quietly of my huge inertia to do random, spontaneous things. That's one thing I'm not good at.

This was the first holiday season where I attempted to send out holiday greeting cards to a number of my friends... at least the ones I try to keep in contact with. One surprising thing I found as I started writing names down was how many couples I knew and how far spread out people were becoming. As I wrote well wishes and holiday greetings on the card, I signed them with both my name and my partner's. As the cards sat on my desk waiting to be mailed, I wondered if the significance of that would come across my friends as they read it... I wondered if I realized it.

My partner asked me later in the day, "Did you sign the cards with both our names?"

I guess he knew before I did.

The title of this post really doesn't have much to do with what I wrote does it? Oh well. Be grateful for what you have, but it's easy to loose track of what you take for granted. Happy holidays.

Only Average

2011-12-08T19:02:00.000-08:00

I like to think I'm slightly to the right of the distribution of successful people around my age; that is slightly above average. I'm working at a decent job and have a pretty decent career path ahead of me. My partner is in a similar position and we both tend not to worry too much about finances. All in all, we live a rather comfortable lifestyle.

Then I meet the other people. The people who are around my age who already hold a PhD. The other who are already in positions of leadership importance at various companies. It's then when I realize, I'm nowhere near even slightly above average.

I'm just average.

A part of me is jealous, yet another part of me is glad. Did I not live up to my potential? Does it matter?

Motivation

2011-12-07T20:14:00.001-08:00

Every once in awhile I need to motivate myself to keep true to my working schedule and goal.

I'm going to get there one day!

Job

2011-12-06T18:34:00.000-08:00

Lately I've been wondering if I should look for a new job. How do you know if the job you currently have is the best fit for you? Granted I know that most people these days are happy if they even have a job, but it doesn't stop you from looking.

Have you ever wondered what you might find?

Don't deny what you just thought... ;)

Electric

2011-12-04T17:42:00.000-08:00

It's hard to realize the number of things I take for granted without really thinking about it. After 3 weekends of working in the garage, I finally was able to restore power into it and for the first time turned on the automatic garage door openers. It's interesting how before I didn't think it was going to be that difficult to run new lines there, but it was definitely an adventure. Yet as I sit back now seeing the job accomplished, it's a rather gratifying feeling watching those garage doors open and close on their own. One more thing checked off on my list of major home issues to address.

There are now two left. With the weather getting colder and winter fast approaching, it's going to be a pain to get them done.

Religon

2011-11-28T23:46:00.000-08:00

I went home to visit my parents over the Thanksgiving break. The trip overall was pleasant. Yes, after the significant falling out nearly two and a half years ago, my parents have let me visit and their views... haven't changed.

I'm still mulling over the brief but enduring "talk" I had with my parents, so perhaps I'll write about it another time. However, during my stay here at the insistence of my mom, our entire family went together to church for the first time in over a year (living on different coasts make it difficult). I didn't think much of it then as I've gone to church many times in my life before, but something was different.

When I had attended church before, I had always viewed it as an excuse to hang out with friends. That is, I would have to listen to some guy talk for about 45 minutes to an hour in exchange to play with friends for two hours. In fact, the first and only church retreat I went to, all I did was play with everyone. After I got back I discovered I was supposed to set aside sometime for personal bible study. ... Oops.

However, that latter changed to where I seriously believed in the Bible and I use to argue with people all the time about it. I attended, participated, and volunteered at church events all the time and was about to be baptized when circumstances beyond my control derailed that plan.

Over time the challenges of my sexuality and the Bible ended up making me being extremely unhappy with my life. I knew I was gay, but was it really a choice that the church portrayed it to be? Was it detrimental? A crime so heinous that it equated to murder? I eventually turned away from the church and simply didn't attend after going away to college.

So when I went to church this time, I went in with a curiosity of what did I believe before? What was so ground breaking to hear from the speaker who stood behind that podium. As the speech wrapped up, my first reaction was... "What?... Did I really believe that before? Do highly educated people with PhD really believe it?"

Don't get me wrong here. I'm not here to judge or bash any religion (I have my own faith). But what I found intriguing was the 'ground breaking insight' was very much like some sort of highly advance quantum mechanic theorem that could be neither proved nor disproved. One can easily view the end results, but it could never be mastered nor ever "known." On top of that, the theorem itself proves itself. Again, I'm not trying to be negative here at all, I'm simply explaining my reaction.

As I stepped out of the church and headed towards the car with the rest of my family, I couldn't help but think how this particular "theorem" (as there are many others in the world) had caused so much grief and pain in my family... simply because of my sexuality.

In the sciences, when something is observed that doesn't make sense, a theorem gets reworked or reviewed to try to explain the new observations. However, every once in awhile, there are scientists who simply refute the observations and claim if you forcibly re-frame the observation or simply deny them, then the original theorem will hold. Unfortunately, it's nearly impossible to convince these scientists to maybe, just maybe the observations are really what they are... observations.

How Much Would it Take?

2011-10-06T19:18:00.001-07:00

Today while walking with my coworkers to lunch, one of my coworkers asked me a question:

How much would you have to have in the bank for you to walk away from your job?

One person replied 3 million.

Another said 3.5 million.

I replied, I'd keep working. Just most likely not in the same field.

How about you?

=====

Also, RIP Steve Jobs. You propelled today's technology into the future. I'm not an Apple fan nor have I ever bought one of their products, but I do recognize that he was responsible for shaping technology as we know it today.

A Tribute by XKCD.com

Sometimes I Wonder

2011-09-23T22:03:00.000-07:00

Why do you try so hard?

You're in a decent place right now, yet you constantly work so hard to "make things better." Why? Why not just sit back and relax and enjoy the cards life has already dealt you?

Because you'd be a fool to think that things will stay the same. Something has to change for better or worse. I just like to be in control of what changes.

Speaking of which, I was supposed to start exercising... I probably should get to it. =_=

500k+

2011-09-14T19:55:00.000-07:00

If things go well in the next couple of weeks, my partner and I will own over half a million dollars worth of real estate. We'll also owe more than half a million dollars, but no one's interested in that.

Workout

2011-09-08T22:52:00.000-07:00

Hopefully in 90 days my body will be closer to this:

Then again, that's if I keep my workout schedule...

And also get a tan. Stupid New England weather doesn't let me get enough sunlight!

Square Me

2011-08-11T14:07:00.000-07:00

Back in high school my math teacher required us to memorize the squares of the number of 1 through 25 because you actually end up using them a lot more often than you realize. I had a hard time memorizing them, but this guy would laugh.

Fast Lane

2011-08-07T19:57:00.000-07:00

I think I'm growing up too fast.

There are so many moving things going on in my life right now I'm terrified of dropping the ball. I know that if I drop the ball in any one part, there would be ramifications on the rest. The thought stresses me out, which only worsens the situation.

Some people I've talked to tell me that they wish they had my problems such as fixing things around the house.

"You're lucky to have that problem, I don't even own a house!"

I always struggle with that view, am I really in a better place? Financially speaking I may be with a house, but there's a trade off in managing the house that I'm not sure if it's worth having item after item constantly nag you day after day. Your home expenses don't end with just buying a place, there are significant costs of things breaking that will continuously cost additional to address.

However, the house is only one of many things on my mind. There's work, my exams, things I'm working on with my partner, handling my roommates, the list goes on.

Growing up sucks... unless you make a ton of money >.<

Pure Capitalism

2011-08-05T06:18:00.000-07:00

When people tell you that there are people out there just for your money, believe it.

I've been working with various companies and their loan departments and I can't believe how many are so rude and inconsiderate. Sheesh has no one there ever taken a course in customer service? It's almost like their job is to piss off everyone who phones in. The amazing this is, I'm not even an actual customer yet! I was calling to learn more about their loan products.

By FAR the worst consistent experience I've had dealings with is Bank of America (BOA). Literally. I called them before once and they were only okay with their services, but they didn't offer a competitive package and weren't willing to match. So when I went back to try to find out more information regarding another loan product, it was horrible.

From the beginning of the conversation, the person implied I had about 5 minutes to sell myself to him and prove that I was worth his time. What? I have to sell myself? Aren't they supposed to sell their product?

I promptly ignored the implied demand and began asking him a couple questions to which he replied, you can find that out online. So I said, fine, I won't ask you then. Can you answer these other questions? He said I was too vague and to give him a call back once I had something more concrete because he was concerned that this recorded call may be reviewed negatively. He was about to provide his phone number when I hung up on him.

So yeah, I guess some companies don't realize that people would actually pay for customer service. I make it a point to support businesses that actually cater to their customers and provide quality products. Some people feel like they have to put up with all this crap because they want to save some money; but in the end, how much do you save and how much time do you waste? Is saving $100 really worth it when you have to spend some 5+ hours on the support line with very rude customer service? I think not.

It's Nutritionally the Same

2011-07-31T20:05:00.000-07:00

I've heard of stories that there are people who believe that it doesn't matter how you eat the food; as long as it provides the same nutrients, who cares?

Why spend 10 minutes to eat a nice salad when you can blend it up and chug it down in less than 2? Why waste the extra 8 minutes?

I countered, what's the rush?

One of my roommates currently eats blended meals. Literally. He'll take all the ingredients to a decent meal, prep / cook them individually, then shove them all in a blender. With a surprised face, he'll always comment on how horrible tasting the food is. He's still been trying to figure out how to make the food taste better by adding a variety of spices; but it hasn't occurred to him to not blend everything together.

Honestly, I'd rather eat frozen meals than blended meals. His style of eating kinda reminds me of Wall-E.

Maybe I should rent the movie out and play it and see if he gets the reference.

Just Another Day at Work

2011-07-25T20:24:00.001-07:00

I work in an office building that is multiple stories tall. There is also a multistory hotel near my office such that when I look out the windows of our office, I can see the various rooms in the hotel, mostly with the blinds drawn.

However, every once in awhile, a guest staying at the hotel will draw the blinds back and take a nice stretch out under the warming sun. They stand half naked completely oblivious to the fact that we (as in everyone in the office I work at) can clearly see them, no binoculars needed.

Yet, a few days ago something unimaginable happened. Something no one ever expected happened and once one person saw it, laughter broke the studious silence in the office. A laughter so strong, that my coworker started crying. At first I was confused, thinking it was a joke someone else played on them, but a quick glance around ruled it out. Inquiries as to what was going on were left unanswered. So I sought out the source of this laughter. So I turned my gaze out the window and...

Wham!

A fully naked man was pounding away at a rather vigorous exercise. Two feminine legs pointing into the air, framing the man's chest on either side as his body moved in a rocking motion. They had chosen a spot right next to the hotel room's window, with the curtains drawn all the way back. The cloudless day streamed rays of light all over their bodies.

Wham! Wham! Wham!

The man pounded fearlessly away, the women's body, barely visible over the window frame, but curling and arching in response to the motion. My coworkers roaring laughter in the background, burying his face in his hand.

This isn't the first time we've seen a naked person walk by a hotel room window, but it's the first live show we've seen.

The man continued to pound away as my coworkers turned away and tried to avoid the distraction. I sat back down at my desk and looked at my monitor, which happened to be positioned in a way that just over the frame of it I could watch and stare as the man tensed for the climax, the wave of relaxation wash over him, and slowly collapse in bliss...

Well, not that's not really what happened at the end, but it makes for good writing. I couldn't see after I sat back down at my desk, but I did check about 10 minutes later when I got back up to grab something to see the sexual couple sitting down and talking before moving away.

All in a day at the office. =P

VoIP Fail

2011-07-20T09:38:00.000-07:00

Our office internet connection went out completely.

We have VoIP (aka internet enabled) office phones. With the internet out, our phones were also offline.

We called with our cell phones and placed an emergency call since without a connection to the company network we're able to do... nothing but screw around.

By the end of the day with no resolution, we called again. They told us that they were trying to contact us all day to send someone out to us. Really? Yeah, isn't this your office number?

One of my co-workers went off. Do you guys not realize that we're completely offline including our phones? Why the hell have you been trying to call our office line knowing they don't work?

They responded in silence.

Yeah, fail.

Late at Night

2011-06-21T20:41:00.000-07:00

One of my project managers asked a question when looking at some data provided by a vendor. The question was:

"Why are there more people driving between 1AM - 2AM on Saturday compared to any other day? I just don't understand why people would want to drive at such an odd hour?"

The room went silent.

Because I Can

2011-06-13T01:46:00.000-07:00

It's Not Just a Story

2011-05-26T19:16:00.000-07:00

I actually had a meeting today to schedule a future meeting.

But that's not it. We were all on a conference call waiting for the last person to show up. Then we all get an email from him saying we all called the wrong number. Everyone but one person called the wrong number.

Right...

Anyways, my life ticks away and I realized how lacking I've been with my blog. Life keeps moving at a blistering pace, but I need to start getting back to my old rhythm. Too many side things are taking my attention away. But I think it's important for me to spend some time to write things down. I find myself being drawn away from people again it sucks. I guess that's why I'm so clingy to my partner even though he hates it.

Sigh...

I need a vacation...

Pi Day

2011-03-14T16:12:00.000-07:00

Yes, it is the Pi Day, so here's a little treat.

Do you watch youtube with all those annoying video ads?

Do you use firefox browser?

Download and install the ad blocker add-on.

Welcome to a commercial free youtube. It works for other sites too (i.e. news sites).

Ring Ring

2011-02-18T19:27:00.000-08:00

"Hi [Hellogenation], I'm calling because I'm wondering if I can entice you to consider another job position that fits your credentials. Is there a time we can set up to talk?"
"Nope."
"Oh I was really hoping you would say yes."

I really wonder how recruiters keep getting my contact information. I've had about a dozen recruiters call me since the beginning of this year and I've been left wondering how they 1) know my name and 2) know my phone number. I've also been puzzled about the rather large number of recruiters calling.

Don't get the wrong idea, it's not just me they're calling. Many of my coworkers have complained about it too.

So I decided to finally get some information out of the recruiters besides brushing them off. Either way, I would never use a recruiting company to find work in my field. I've heard stories of the recruiting companies taking nearly 40-50k as a fee, money that could go to.. me.

I found out that the job market for the actuarial field is rapidly improving. No one's sure why, but the beginning of 2011 sparked a massive search for new talent across many companies. The list of companies was rather long and 95% of them I've never heard of. However, it's been really hard and the housing market has been the main culprit. See, no one wants to move since home values have plummeted since no one wants to sell their house. So when a company is trying to hire out in Wisconsin... good luck.

I just found it interesting to see how the housing market was effecting work across the actuarial field. There aren't many times such a clear effect can be seen.

No Time for Rest

2011-02-17T18:30:00.000-08:00

I've started three posts and have yet to complete one. Hopefully I finish this one.

My life has been moving at a lighting pace at the close of last year. It's already February? I wish I could take a break, but things will continue to move at a similar pace for the next few months. It probably won't be until the middle of May where I might be able to really get a breather, but I have a feeling that this quick pace is going to be the norm of my life for a long time.

I finally bought the house I set my sights on way back in December. It's something I've only mentioned to a handful of people and kept it under wraps. I'm sure word will slowly disseminate into the world, but I'm hesitant to announce it directly. There are a lot of people out there struggling to make ends meet including many of my friends. The last thing they need is someone bragging about a purchase that they probably have not even considered in their life yet.

So I figure I let the news make its own round.

I have to do some major renovations to the house first. It will still be a couple of months before I can physically move in, but I also have my next exam to worry about, which I have barely started studying for. Bleh, not to mention the laundry list of things I still need to take care of... which reminds me...

Gah, I'm just going to post this since I doubt I'm going to come back to finish it.

Official

2011-02-15T14:58:00.001-08:00

I am a homeowner.

=_=

AT&T Dishes Out 1000 Free Minutes

2011-02-11T20:05:00.000-08:00

If you have AT&T as your cell phone provider, there's some good news. You can get 1000 free roll over minutes by simply texting "Yes" to 11113020.

http://www.engadget.com/2011/02/11/atandt-handing-over-1000-free-rollover-minutes-to-all-of-its-custo/

It Got Delayed

2011-02-06T20:03:00.001-08:00

It's rather frustrating that things get delayed, but it's an inevitable fact of life.

Things were delayed one to two weeks. Blahahaahah I hate the suspense.

Nerve Racking

2011-01-28T14:05:00.000-08:00

7 days and counting... that is if all goes well.

Perspective

2011-01-24T21:02:00.000-08:00

I like to think I'm successful and I believe I am.

Then comes a story about this guy who at the merger age of 14 entered college, got his degree by 18 and continued on to get his PhD by the age of 21....21!!! And now he's holds a position higher than a VP in a well known company.

And he's freaking TWENTY FIVE.

Damn I hate perspective.

Little Bit of Work

2011-01-07T10:04:00.000-08:00

Given that I have left you guys so high and dry over the past few months, I figured I'd take a moment to say what's been going on. I was going to talk about my actual work, but then I figured that wouldn't be such a wise idea considering a lot of my work is proprietary and I don't want to accidentally say something I shouldn't have. So, I talk about my co-workers work which is more of the norm.

I'm not sure how many of you few readers know, but every single state in great nation has a Department of Insurance (DOI). The sole reason the DOI exists is to oversee ALL the insurance companies that sell within their given state. Your first impression may be, oh that's great! There's someone out there making sure the insurance companies don't rip us off...

Yes, that's true, but that doesn't mean you won't see jumps in premium for your insurance. Nor will it prevent insurance companies from requesting large jumps. Now health insurance let alone California is one of the more extreme examples for many reasons but I don't work in that field of insurance.

No, the purpose of the DOI besides regulating the insurance industry is to double check all the work we do to make sure that we're following the regulations. That we have justifiable reasons for charging the rates that we do.

For example, base on our claims, we can see that teenage drivers tend to have more accidents (losses) more often than middle aged adults. Therefore we have justified charging a higher premium for teenage drivers when compared to middle aged adults. By how much is beyond the scope of my example.

Pretty simple right? That's what you would think. Take for example the following diagram:
Given that we just started the great year of 2011, we don't have any information to judge what "level" it should be for 2011. However, this is simple statistics, you just follow the trend, the green line, and project in the future because it's the most likely event. But does it make sense? Well take the Year of the car. As newer cars come out, they tend to be more sophisticated and expensive to replace right? I mean just look at those electric vehicle starting prices! And they're trying to make that the new standard given the huge push to be green and clean.

However, the DOI see that and says, no, we think you should do this:

I guess they never won at connect four.

I Need Your Help

2011-01-06T16:45:00.000-08:00

Okay, I'll admit I've been seriously dragging my feet into this whole getting a smart phone. As much of a computer geek I am, when it comes to my phone I am quite dated.

So I've been an the phone with Sprint for two days and I've been telling them how crappy the coverage is at my place (there's a little hole in the coverage map where suddenly the quality drops and I happen to be there). After dropping the call twice, they weren't convinced that I had crappy enough coverage to warrant giving me a device that would extend the coverage inside my place. Well, the were after I hand them $100 with an additional $5/month service charge.

I told them that's how much the cancellation fee is. So why stay with such a crappy service?
They AGREED and lower my cancellation fee.

SO... I'm not out there looking at AT&T or Verizon (no gaps in either one). I need your help because I really don't know what smart phone to get.

I know a bunch of new ones are coming out, so let me know which ones I should look at. Comment away!

Oh yeah I hate iPhones... well more like Apple in general. They're over priced.

Why so Silent?

2011-01-02T10:00:00.000-08:00

Because the world has progressed much faster than I can write unfortunately.

However, I do plan on writing again once I find more time; which I don't see happening soon =/

What's going on?
1. Work
2. Class (yes I'm taking a class!)
3. Exam coming up in May
4. I'm buying a house!!! and that takes so much time to deal with

Buying a house at my age is probably something that hasn't even entered the minds of most my friends. My parents have asked me why I'm rushing to buy a house at this time. The short story is that I saw an opportunity and I'm going for it. My decision ultimately relied on a large number of factors, but honestly I'm just as nervous as my parents regarding this decision.

Numbers always look good on paper, but what actually happens is a whole different story.

Happy New Years folks!

Thoughts

2010-11-23T00:19:00.000-08:00

This Thanksgiving holiday is rather significant in a couple ways.

1) It's the first time I've spent a considerable amount of time home ever since coming out to my parents.

2) I means this blog is turning another year older. Despite the fact that I'm lacking in writing, I'm surprised I still have this blog. There's just something about the anonymity of this blog I felt like I couldn't keep up, but it seems easier the longer I write.

I guess I should satiate your curiosity of how my time home is going. I can sum it up in a couple of words: self denial... or at least I think it is. Things are like I never came out to them and I'm careful not to unintentionally bring up the subject. Now you might disagree that I should be able to talk about my partner without having to filter my words, and for the most part I see your point. However, knowing my parents, just having me over and letting me stay in their house for a week is a major turn around from the never-come-home dad I said bye to over one and a half years ago.

For now I'll put up with it and wait longer for them to bring up the subject themselves; which I expect to happen in the last couple of hours of my stay here. We'll see how that goes.

I'll write later... I still have many thoughts running through my mind.

Thanksgiving

2010-11-18T20:35:00.000-08:00

In two days I head home to LA to stay with my parents for one week.

Wait...

Really?

Weren't your parents?... They're okay now?

The answer is no, but at least my mom is a lot more respectful about approaching me about my sexuality. They still strongly disagree, but they do so respectfully. That is an improvement.

Exam 4

2010-10-09T06:49:00.000-07:00

I passed Exam 4, I passed Exam 4, I passed Exam 4... woho now I can go burn all those notes.

Nah, I'll just go sell them and make a profit. =P

Timing

2010-09-20T19:14:00.000-07:00

Yay we're moving to Boston!

Yay my partner found a job!

Wait...

Where's your job?... In CT? =_=

Dynamite

2010-09-18T20:59:00.000-07:00

Pretty impressive. Although, I'm not sure how much he edits his soundtrack. If you watch his video of him making a song, you'll see how different it sounds on pure audio vs it fed through the computer. Nevertheless, I actually think it sound better than the original song...

Walking the Talk

2010-09-15T17:30:00.000-07:00

We're buying you because we want you.

Wait 24 hours, that's all we ask.

The next day, they sat me down and said:
In your short term here, you have been placed on a variety of projects of high importance and more than once project leaders discussed their unease with having you alone pull most of the leg work. However, at the end of the day, the project leaders have come back satisfied and confident with the work you provided.

Project leaders have already been asking for you by name to work on their projects.

We want you to stay with us. You are only starting out still and we know you have the potential to go far. We mean way up the leadership far and we want to help you get as far as possible. So here's our best offer...

... a significant raise way beyond your current offer, but it doesn't end there.

We're pulling you out of the student program because we recognize that it's holding you back. In fact, we believe that any student program will hold you back. Don't get us wrong, we're going to still give you all the benefits of the exam program plus give you a promotion, the raise, and relocate you to Boston. What do you think?

Me: Holy s*&#.

Needless to say, I'm sticking with my current company.

One Year Later...

2010-09-14T19:02:00.000-07:00

Exactly one year ago, this very night I was driving from the airport to my place after a week long vacation to California. It was the beginning of a new chapter of my life. Dusting off the one suit I had, arranging the few pieces of business clothes I had, I was entering a field that I could only hope to do well in.

I had just be hired full time from my internship and had hear horror stories of the work I was yet to face from my brother, who at this time was still with the company. On top of that, I was living in an area that I knew very little about, and knew few people. There was no city life, no hangouts that I could easily go to relax. My future looked financially stable, but socially bleak.

I always looked in awe of my brother. He's brilliant mind and his reputation was something I believed would take me years to achieve. It was a goal. It was something worth striving for. My brother had it all, but it was only things I could look forward to.

It's a coincidence, but maybe this day will forever have some sort of significance to me. One year ago, I was nervous about how the company would view me. Would I be able to live up to my brother's reputation? Today, the company affirmed that the reputation I have built in this past year alone is both great and solid.

When I approached them saying that I had an offer from another company that would relocate me to Boston, the company I work for said...

No freaking way, we're buying you.

To be continued...

It's Unofficial

2010-09-12T19:30:00.001-07:00

It sucks when you can't talk about something that's unofficial.

Well, I guess you'll have to wait 24 hours until it is.

How Old are You?

2010-09-07T20:18:00.000-07:00

Friend(F): "How old are you?"

Me: "Guess."

F: "I don't want to guess. Just tell me."

Me: "It's fine, I just want you to guess."

F: "Okay what year were you born?"

Me: "What year do you think?"

F: "I don't know, '84?"

Me: *Puts face in hands* My partner laughs.

F: "What? '83?"

Me: "Nooooooooo...." My partner laughs harder.

My partner: "Wrong way."

F: "Really? 'X?"

Me: "Yes"

F: "Oh my god you're such a youngin."

I guess I really do look a lot older than I really am. =T

New York, with a guide

2010-09-06T19:12:00.000-07:00

I have to say, visiting NYC with a guide is 100x more fun than going with a group of traveling friends. Don't get me wrong, it was fun hanging out with friends. However, picking apart the public transit system and trying to constantly figure out the best route between two points is a time consuming and sometimes frustrating experience. With a guide, you simply follow the leader and hope for the best.

Then again, maybe it's because this time we got to see the gay scene of NYC.

We only stayed a couple days over Labor day weekend. My partner and I met up with my friend who has lived in NYC for a number of years. He took us around the less turiousty parts and walked us around Chelsea. We had gone there in the middle of the day, so it wasn't so action packed, but there were a number of half naked guys running around doing exercises. Broad muscular shoulders was also a common theme... stop fantasizing.

However, we later hit up the area at night; more specifically the gay bar/lounge Splash. For a Sunday night on Labor day weekend, the place was decently filled; however in the few bars I've been to, I've never seen such ridiculously over priced drinks. $8 for a bottle of beer, really?

The club layout was nice. It's main floor had the dance floor with a handful of go go boys doing their thing with their polls and the lower level was more of a lounge and a place to chill. Music-wise, I wasn't particular too keen. It was danceable music, but if you're looking for the dance-pop music that floods San Francisco, you won't find it here, or at least on the night that we went.

Regardless, considering the fact that it has been ages since I've been to a gay bar, it was fun. I'd like to go back and party more. =]

Friends of the Past

2010-08-23T18:36:00.000-07:00

So after my test I've been playing loads of Starcraft II. I'll write a review of it on a later day when I've had more to experience the online play, which is the whole essence of the game. It's been fun, but I've discovered that despite my best attempt I'm only scoring in the average range.

A part of me wants to play more to move that average to above average, but then another part of me wants me to "have a life" outside the cyber-world. Perhaps I can balance the two; we'll see.

It's funny how many of my past friends played starcraft. I remember the days back in middle school when we would constantly gang up on other friends and/or backstab our allies (after getting a victory). We would get the best reactions from some people who would glare at us for weeks while we laughed away. It's a game, we're having fun and it's not like we nicked their record.

So as I sign online for the first time I knew of SC2 facebook friend finder feature and I thought, why not give it a shot. I was surprised how many of my friends have the game. I added a few, but kept most off the list.

"You've improved vastly from Starcraft."

That was one of the first comments one of my friends said after playing a game with me. "Yeah you sucked before." Good to know I improved.... I guess XD

Oh, and right now work is a pain in the rear... The project I'm on is so mismanaged.. ugh.

Gym

2010-08-19T20:29:00.000-07:00

So I've started going back to the gym with my partner since I actually have the time to workout again. My partner went swimming and I went to go run on the treadmill. While at the pool, my partner decided to go into the hot tub to relax a bit. A lady was also enjoying the hot tub and upon seeing my partner, she asked, "How old are you?"

My boyfriend paused, "Umm... X years. Why?"

"Ohh," she replied while pointing to a sign. A sign that said:

"No children under 14 allowed in the hot tub without parents."

O_O

Alive

2010-08-18T03:54:00.000-07:00

Wow, it's been awhile since I last wrote any meaningful post here. Have I been neglecting this blog? Perhaps, but there were things demanding my attention these past number of weeks. I guess I'll slowly catch up on them.

I finished taking my other actuarial exam the other day. It was my second time taking Exam 4/C and I hope I passed. I felt pretty confident as I left the exam room, but you never know since it takes up to eight weeks to score and release the results. Why it takes eight weeks to score a multiple choice exam and than release the results is really baffling to me, but that's just how the system is.

Anyways, I've been out job hunting to hopefully move out of CT. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy the work I do and the people I work with, but CT is just... too green for me. There's no city and it's just odd with everything closing at 6pm. I've gone through three sets of interviews. I hope I make it.

Federal Judge Overturns Prop 8!

2010-08-05T22:01:00.001-07:00

I'm a day late but

YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Google it if you want to learn more.

Good Day

2010-07-27T19:45:00.000-07:00

Considering I failed my last exam, I have no life until I pass the next one in mid-August.

Movie: The Last Airbender

2010-07-09T10:18:00.000-07:00

Overall Rating: 0 / 5

Cinematography: 2.0 / 5
Plot: 0.5 / 5
Acting: 0 / 5

The moment the credits rolled, the first thought that came to mind was that M. Night Shyamalan made this movie to rip people off. I've actually watched the original Nickelodeon series and knew the original plot line, which believe me is a requirement before watching this movie. It was very ambitious to cram a whole season into a 2-3 hour movie; but instead reorganizing the plot into a more cohesive and understandable movie, Shyamalan simply copies the exactly storyline and tries to cut each part into a 30 second scene. If that fails, he opts to narrate instead or (surprise) skip entirely. This leads to gaping holes in the plot line as you don't really learn who is at war with who until halfway into the movie. The 30 second opening to the Nickelodeon series explained the whole 100 year history perfectly. Why Shyamalan chose not to use it probably reflects his ability to direct.

There were a number of scenes that made no logical sense either and that Shyamalan was merely trying to progress the storyline. Why would a kid who sees something under the ice they're standing on (over an ocean) and start hacking away at the ice?

The acting was... well was there any acting? You might as well had everyone reading from teleprompters in a nice monotone voice. Heck, I thought even a newscaster had more emotion in their voice then any of the actors.

The cinematography was just okay. Some of the scenes were beautiful done, while others were just pointing fingers at the light lamps. I also wonder how much of a CG budget they had because there were a number of scenes where the actors are simply waving their hands around and nothing is happening.

All in all this movie is confusing, poorly done, and horrendous. I hope that Paramount and Nickelodeon fire Shyamalan because he clearly can't write or direct. I also wouldn't be surprised of this was Shyamalan's last movie either.

Laundry

2010-07-03T09:00:00.000-07:00

I do my laundry with my partner once every two weeks.

My roommate who has live here for over a month now and brought one oversize suitcase with him has done his laundry... 0 times, at least that I'm aware of.

Evidently to him flipping a shirt inside out makes it "clean."

Ew?

[edit] He wore his inside out shirt when we went grocery shopping...............

[edit 2] To clarify... I'm not talking about my partner.

Bad Habit?

2010-06-29T20:28:00.000-07:00

I owe this post to my partner =_=

After a rather very busy day at work packed with meetings and training, I struggled to just make it out of work. After going to the gym with my partner, we were both walking back to our apartment but in the lobby there was a pile of wood pieces and a box that had the big word "FREE" written on it.

It was an IKEA corner computer desk that I had originally wanted to get back when I moved into my apartment but opted for the less expensive variety since I knew it would fit into my car. But here it was, sitting in the lobby only mere seconds away from my apartment. My partner stepped in front of my vision.

"You didn't see anything."
"But it's a free desk!"
"Go get the mail."
[I run off to the mail box and return in less than a minute.
"It's a free desk!"
"Lets go!"
"It's a free desk!"

My partner gave way and helped me carry it to our apartment. I was so excited my partner told me that the next time he gets me a gift, he's going to write the word "FREE UNOPENED GIFT." =P

Anyways, my partner texted his friend that I went dumpster diving. But HEY! this was a desk in the lobby of our complex and its in rather good condition... plus it was no where near the dumpster! That's an improvement, yes? =D

Advice

2010-06-20T21:01:00.000-07:00

This week has been pretty exhausting. There where a number of events I could highlight, but I'm going to pick one that I found most interesting.

I have a handful of friends who are all in relationships; all of them gay men. None of these relationships have lasted shorter than one year and all but one continues to this day. However, during my on and off online time when my partner first moved out here, I found myself to be the most sought after person the moment I turned back online.

Nearly all of my friends (read NOT ALL) in relationships were trying to contact me. Why? Everyone seemed to be running into issues and they started looking to me for advice.

Me? Advice? Don't get me wrong, I'm flattered, but my relationship with my partner hasn't always been the most peachy perfect one. In fact, I'm pretty sure it's far from perfect. There have been two separate occasions where I felt like we nearly split up, but I don't really like to dwell on the past. To this day, there are things both he and I still have much to improve on. Even after three years, there are tons of things I'm still learning about my partner. So I was a bit shocked when I found my friends calling me up with shaky hands asking / pleading for my help as if I had some golden answer.

I don't have a golden answer unfortunately. If anyone does, let me know. I'd love to know the secret.

All I can really say was keep open communication, one that both sides can trust and rely on. If person A says "Nothing happened," person B must be willing to accept the words as truth. Without that fundamental level of trust, the relationship is only going to go down the drain. If one trusts a friend over the one they love, can they say they really love them?

I'm literally exhausted from learning so much more about my friends than I ever anticipated. Then again, I love stories.

I'm glad to have friends who can trust me. But I'm happier to say that I have friends who are in successful relationships like mine. I refuse to believe that a gay successful long term relationship is merely a dream. I also refuse to believe that mine is the only such one either.

I Can't Find a Clip

2010-06-13T20:18:00.000-07:00

Glee

Episode 20

Watch it

You'll know instantly what I wanted to post

I Need to Shape Up

2010-06-05T10:07:00.001-07:00

My long silence has been completely unintended and I really need to focus in on my health. Ever since my trip back to California and taking the exam, I've been on a relaxation mode that, although welcome, I'm starting to recognize is chipping away at my health.

What have I been doing this entire time? Playing Starcraft 2.

I was actually playing competitively enough to boost my ranking as high as possible. I even was in the Platinum league, just shy of the Diamond league, which is the top players of the beta. Lame I know, but each game is pretty unique and I was at a point I was studying other top players...

So, I'm going to try to stop playing for this entire week. Granted I believe the beta ends sometime this week, but there are a variety of other games on my system that I could be playing. I need to hit the gym and get back in shape... literally, but not that literally.

Spring is kicking me in the butt. My allergies are going haywire and I've been barely able to make it into work for a variety of days. My coworkers have been really supportive of me during this phase, but it's really difficult to sleep or even rest when my body is covered with hives. I don't know what's causing them yet per say. I attribute it to the massive amounts of pollen flying though the air, but my air filters should be taking care of most of that.

Ugh, I should get back to writing more once I settle down my schedule again. It's just that with my partner around, I'm more likely to talk things over with him than to write them down here. We'll see what happens.

Oh yeah, one more thing.

For those who know me... never never post a picture or text or anything that has this blog and my name in it at the same time. This blog is anonymous for the most part and if you know me it's because I've trusted you to maintain that confidentiality. If you can't, I will simply shut this blog down and move elsewhere.

Phoned Up

2010-05-15T08:11:00.000-07:00

[Sorry for the long delay... I had to sit on this post for a rather long time...]

I still don't know exactly how my parents found out, but I have a pretty good guess.

Facebook.

I'm pretty tight on my settings on facebook and I've noticed that my dad has a facebook account for the past few months. I just find that really odd for some reason. Anyways, it never occurred to me to check my partner's settings on facebook, because I never thought my family would use it to track us down.

Again, this is all theories, but a few weeks prior to my partner's moving out, he annouced that he was leaving his home and started making plans to meet with all his friends. Now, it wouldn't take a huge amount of detective work for my parents to figure out who my partner was, but I never admited who it was.

Anyways, long story short, my mom tried to surprise me by calling me up and saying, "Happy birthday!" as it was my birthday sometime in the past few weeks. Then over the course of the next 30 minutes transitioned the talk into, wtf are you doing having your partner move in? Great happy wishes right?

I didn't say much during the conversation at that point. My weird notion that not saying anything won't hurt them as much keeps me silent, but my mom called me out on it.

"Why do you not tell me everything? Do you think I can't take it?"
Yes was the first thought that crossed my mind. But I paused, "Fine. Yes, [my partner] is moving out here." (First time admitting who it was)
"Moving out there like what?"
"What do you mean like what?"
"As a roommate or lovers?"
"Do you seriously want to know?"
"Yes"
"As lovers."
[silence]
"[Hellogenation] I thought we raised you better than that."

Huh? That's the exact same feeling / thought you just did. Where did that come from? My mom continued berating me with 'what is moral' and 'how they thought I was raised', most I simply heard, but whenever she would ask, are you going to consider it? Nope. "You're so full of yourself" and would be on the verge of tears.

Sometimes I find it difficult for me to wrap my head around the arrogance and stubbornness of both my parents, who claim to "keep an open mind" and it's me who isn't. I've gone to the churchs they've ~~forced~~ wanted me to go to, the various meetings with the pastors, the whole you're not gay purge or whatever you call it, the religious fanatics, it's the phase of your life thing, and so on. All I've learned is regarding religious view of homosexuals is that you simply don't have an attraction. That feeling you have is not really an attraction... it's a kind of "mutal admiration." o_O? Don't believe that? It's purely in your mind anyway, so we'll simply convince you that you don't have it or at least not act on it because denying who you are is so much better than admitting it.

It's like me going around saying, I have bright blue eyes and telling everyone, my eye color is blue. Now if I convince everyone around you to say 'Blue' when anyone asks about my eye color, it suddenly is bright blue. But if I ask any outsider, they would look at me and say, it's most definately brown. So what do I do about outsiders? Shun them! They refuse to see the light!

Okay, that's a pretty harsh way of saying it, but it gets my point across.

I always found it slight amusing (although it freaked me out at times) how my mom would say, can you imagine what [my partner]'s parents must be going through? How hard it has to be on them also! But when I think about it, they've never met and even if they do, the language barrier is going to add to some very amusing conversations between them. (My partner himself said he would love to just listen to them try to talk). On top of that, my partner has assured me his parents are more likely to come around since at least "they listen to logic."

Anyways, my mom continued to press me for details and it was through those questions her true thoughts came out. She was asking me about my partner by name and at some point I realized we had a very different understanding for the term partner, which I had been using all along. I called her out on it and asked her what her definition of the word partner meant?

"That you have a sexual relationship with them."
"That's it?"
"Yeah, what else is there?"

That backhanded comment stung more than it should have. I then tried to explain to her how I "interpreted" the meaning of the word. Either she was purposefully playing dumb, which wouldn't be a first, or I was quite surprised that she knew nothing of the term. Then again, she keeps a minimum 10 feet clearence to the nearest (openly) gay/bi person so I guess I shouldn't be so surprised.

"Well, you know how people have boyfriends and girlfriends right? When people are dating?"
"Yes."
"I personally believe a partner is beyond that. Although people generally use the term to refer to a boyfriend or girlfriend."
"What is 'beyond that'?"
[I rattle off the best way of saying this without broaching the gender neutral barrier, and I guess she finally got it?]
"Well, why is [my partner] moving in. Don't you have any morals?"
"Should a couple live apart-"
"You are NOT A COUPLE!"
[silence]

Should I have shot back? Perhaps, but I frankly didn't care anymore.

Conclusion? My parents have pretty much severed all "official" lines of communication with me. In other words, this is the last preparation step to publicy disown me (which they haven't yet) to the rest of the family, who constantly ask how I'm doing and I really have no idea what they are telling them right now. As always I said that my line is open if they ever want to reach me. I'm not sure how my brother will react, but my feeling is that he will side with my parents in the end.

I think it's time for me to fold my hand and move to another table.

"You think time will somehow make things better, that it'll heal everything?"
Me: "No I don't think it'll do that magically."
"I think you mis-understand our weekly calls as that we have somehow accepted you."
"Maybe I like to be optimistic."
"Well that isn't true. Time doesn't heal anything."
"I never said time will heal anything, but it gives you the ability to think over everything. It's very emotional and a lot to take at once so I think it takes time to process. So not necessarily heal, but to understand."
"Understand what?"
"Exactly."

Life Changing

2010-05-09T11:20:00.000-07:00

I've discovered it's not the best idea to write about things as they immediately happen. Why? Because at some point someone is bound to fit the time line all together. Do I care? Not really, but I think it's just a neek jerk reaction.

So I took my Exam 4/C last week and came out with this mixed feeling of wheather or not I actually passed. It'll be another 7 weeks before they release my grade, which means that's weeks of anxeity. Although there's nothing I can do for my score, the question of should I countinue to study or move on is up in the air.

Anyways, my exam wasn't the life changing event I was alluding to. It was rather more personal. My partner and I have been living apart for nearly a year since I moved out to the east coast. A lot of people were skeptical of what would happen, but there was no doubt in my mind. We talked on the phone every single day. Even with the time difference, I would stay up late into the night listening to the latest news from his work and tell him the on goings of mine. I would go to sleep at night, but never before getting a call or text from my partner telling me good night.

I don't care if you think that such a small thing is so insignificant. You aren't me. Small things go a long way for me and my partner knows me well enough to know that. =]

Our distance apart was growing longer. We would video chat whenever we got the chance and my parnter would share photos of his latest and greatest hair styles. We were able to still have fun and I enjoyed every moment we spent together. However, it would be near the beginning of the year that I voiced my concern that we were getting too comfortable with the status quo. My partner agreed.

We talked to greath lengths of various plans to him moving out. However, each one kept getting delayed due to something else. We never set a hard date because we knew reality wouldn't let us. I never set any expectation because the last thing I wanted to do was become pushy. Then one afternoon, my partner called me. We were talking about other things and in my total surprise he told me his plan to move out to the east coast.

It wasn't another plan, it was a commitment.

Within the next couple of days, everything was set in motion. His flight ticket was bought, he letter to his employer was submitted, and he worked thing out with his family. It all happend within one month of him telling me and before I knew it, he was knocking on my door.

When I saw him I wanted to cry. Not from sadness or pain, but from joy. For three years we have been together we have never lived together. We had been partners living our own seperate lives and sharing stories. Now, for the first time we are actually experience life together. Trips aren't so much of me or him just going out, it's going to be us going out.

This has been a life changing moment that I had yearned for so many years. For so long have I dreamed of this day. Was it full of fanfare and with a parade? No, but it doesn't make it any less meaningful to me.

--

Should I end this post at this happy note or should I leave a bait to make you come back every single day to check if I wrote another post? You must be wondering, what can I say that would make you come back and check again so frequently?

Well, while the above was going on, I received a phone call. "So I hear that [my partner] is moving in with you?" ... It was my mom.

Delayed...

2010-05-05T03:26:00.000-07:00

My exam is over, however, I've been so busy with other things that I haven't had a time to sit down and write. I don't mean to keep you all in suspense this long, but the demands for life are ever more pressing, not that I'm complaining, far from it! I don't wish to leave a quick one sentence post as it won't do it any justice of the things going on in my life. It also won't be what you expect to read from me. So... I'll slowly write a quality post and release that in time, but that darn starcraft2 beta is eating up a good chunk of my free time =]

Life Changing

2010-04-17T19:16:00.000-07:00

In two weeks my life will change forever.

Unfortunately I don't have the time to write it all out right now, but I will after my exam.

I hate to leave you on edge, but lets face it, it's fun for me. XD

Karen Millen - A Wrap Up

2010-04-10T16:14:00.000-07:00

So do you remember the time I wrote about my brother's horrid experience with Karen Millen? I figured a follow up is need as I learned what happened in the aftermath just now.

My brother did sue and the corporate office settled outside of court accepting the return and giving him some cash for the inconveniences, but that's not all.

- He filed a complaint with the Better Business Bureau.
- He filed a formal complaint with the mall management, who take all complaints into consideration when reviewing rental contracts.
- He filed a formal complaint with the Attorney General's office, which replied that they are launching a full legal investigation into the company.

How much did this cost my brother? A few hours of research and a couple more to draft all the letters to the various offices. Evidently the Consumer Protection Laws carry a lot more weight then I ever anticipated, but it's good to know. In a society dominated by corporations, it's hard to imagine that taking a corporation to their word is even possible. I mean, how does one lone person face up against an army of lawyers?

Well, it seems like the Attorney General's office is taking that charge.

Exam So...

2010-04-07T15:50:00.000-07:00

Don't expect much till May, but I'll leave a tid bit.

The work I've been stressing out about / complaining about / working overtime when I should be studying caught a lot of wind. I got recognition and thank you notes from not only everyone in my project, but multiple AVPs and the VP of our department himself. Evidently the project lead was going around telling everyone that I had a huge role in keeping the project from going way underwater.

Nice ;) Now where's my bonus? >=O!!

Salary

2010-03-29T16:09:00.001-07:00

To satiate your curiosity of how much I currently make, I shall refer you to the following graph.

The yellow box is where I am currently at given my exams and experience. The green is where my brother is (yes he's an actuary too; I have a story about his but that's for another day). The gray is my planned path.

These figures aren't made up (see the link above). Yes, that means when I become certified, even if I do absolutely nothing and just work for a number of years, the "low" end of the pay spectrum is $179,000 starting salary. Of course I don't plan on just doing "nothing." =]

Baby Steps

2010-03-29T13:37:00.000-07:00

I wonder, if I do the same amount and type of work that someone else does who gets paid more than I do, can I request a pay raise?

Yes, another post about work work work, but I have to say it's starting to get interesting... at least for me.

Today I made an AVP sincerely request for me to shift my schedule around. For someone who is usually so abrasive and to the point, I was quite surprised how delicately he chose his words. I obliged and made him one happy camper.

There's a massive bottleneck of work in my current project work flow:

1. Initial Design (Me)
2. Review (Me)
3. Initial Programming
4. Complete design based on program results (Me-Support Role)
5. Major Programming phase out

I have been heavily involved with steps 1, 2, and supposedly play a minor/support role for step 4. Last week, our project completed step 2 and phased into step 3 and was handed off to the respective programming team.

I'm an Actuary (statistical analysts). I happen to also have a basic programming background.

I was about to be put on a completely different project last week and also focus on my upcoming exam; however, of the 4 members of the programming team, two are out on vacation and the other two were completely swamped in other projects on their plate. The project I was on was supposed to have completed phase 3, Monday... of last week. Needless to say, a number of higher ups are breathing down the necks of the AVPs.

So before I even get to start a new project, I've been reassigned... as a programmer. =_=

Should I be happy that they thought of me to take on the responsibility? I guess so. Anyways, I'm more of a supporting programmer really, just helping with bits of code here and there. I mean, someone already wrote half the program, it was merely a means of just finishing it. Simple right? That's what I thought, but I have realized that the current programmer can't read the programming language the actual programmer wrote (and of course he's on vacation).

If I put the same number of hours the current programmer has put in to finish this work, I think I would have finished it by now, as I have the advantage of knowing how we designed the whole process to begin with. The current programmer has to learn the design before coding.

So I bet you're asking why am I not helping the programmer directly / doing it myself? Simple, they don't pay me enough =]. Okay okay, not really. It breaks down to, it's not my job, it's theirs and I'm just a supporter (I've been coding sub-processes). But maybe I'd be more willing to volunteer if they pay me more... you never know. ;)

Nah. I just want more money. XD

Study Break

2010-03-27T18:26:00.000-07:00

For all you in / soon to be in Medical School.

Not All Math Makes Sense

Gamers

Intended / Unintended ?

Literal Translations

Context

Imagination

True/False

My favorite: .002 cents

Better to Ask Forgiveness

2010-03-25T16:27:00.000-07:00

A common tactic in management is that it's better to ask forgiveness than it is to make a request.

Never was that more clear than today where one person shifted the entire development of our project (needless to say a large reworking must be done). When the news came to us, my coworker had this very exhausted look and only sighed deeply.

I shrugged it off and didn't care. If the project completely fails and burns, the work I initially produced has changed and shifted so much, it's not really mine anymore so I don't care.

I'm done with the project and refuse to pull all nighters anymore (I mean working from 5pm-10/11pm). If things need to change, it's not a matter of resources, it's a matter of changing the deadline. I've made it very clear I will not provide the resources as I already have in two different occasions. Now, it's their turn to budge. I mean come on, I haven't even worked one full year yet and you're asking me to work overtime? (I don't get paid extra because I'm salary based, not hourly).

Today I was re-assigned to another part of the project. I went from statistical analyst to.... computer programmer. I seriously don't think they pay me enough.

Oh, and my AVP came by today and has expressed interest in removing me from the project. He essentially said, (paraphrase) "You're an Actuary, you should be developing your analyst skills. There are plenty of other people who can to the mind numbing programming." That made me smile. =]

YouTube Transcription Beta

2010-03-23T17:34:00.000-07:00

I shouldn't laugh. but I can't help it at all. It's just so funny!

Go to YouTube and look up a video where people talk, it's best where someone is giving a monologue or there is only one person talking at once.

Turn on the transcription beta by clicking the "cc" button in the bottom right corner of the video feed.

Mute.

Read the transcription only.

Laugh. =]

Goal #4: Be Weird, Know Random Things

2010-03-23T14:47:00.000-07:00

I wonder how many of you are scratching your head. I want to be weird? Well, not exactly, but when you start rattling off random facts or bits of knowledge, it has that unfortunate affect on other people.

I have a great addition to knowledge, just not in one specific field unfortunately. In fact, if you look at my college grades by subject matter, I did worse in all my math classes and did outstandingly well in everything else from biology to physics.

So you must be wondering, why on earth did I focus on math in college? Simple, I knew the system. When you apply to a company, how many ask for your individual grades for courses? How many of them simply asked for your overall GPA?

I didn't do horribly, I mean I was originally pre-med, but my lack of conviction early on made me loss the grades I needed. (I could have made it into a medical school, but not any that I wanted to go to). However, everyone at work looks at me weird once in awhile when simply explain to them "simple" things... like, how to fix a broken water faucet. They were complaining about how it cost them around $300-$400 to replace a broken faucet and how their first attempt failed (i.e. unscrewing the handle to suddenly have water spraying everywhere).

I told them they just had to turn the knobs under the sink off first, unscrew it all, replace the entire fixture, screw it back in, and turn the water back on. $50 for the faucet and about 1 hour of work at most and you're done. They stared at me. What?

I actually enjoy learning things that I probably will never use again, like chemistry. However, I also believe constantly learning new things helps me do better at the work I'm paid to do. New ways of thinking, new considerations, it's all about new ideas.

So beyond my continuing efforts to learn Chinese, I'm going to learn something completely off topic... physiology? Maybe, I haven't really decided yet. I need to find a good book / teacher though. Free preferably because I'm cheap.

You Go Google

2010-03-22T19:25:00.000-07:00

Google has worked a "legal" loophole in China's law to unfilter their search results. Simply move the servers.

This is actually a fairly common tactic as servers that run huge websites such as Google are governed by the laws in which they physically reside. Why do you think all those shady servers that share all their copyrighted material are located in the middle east or Africa?

So Google has moved its China based servers too... Hong Kong. Why? Because Hong Kong is a "special administrative region" and is subject to different political laws than the rest of mainland China.

Politicians take advantage of loopholes in laws all the time. How's it feel to have it exploited against you hm? I don't know, I feel that as China's population becomes more and more educated and aware, I don't believe that China's strong economy is going to continue at its current pace. Why? With knowledge comes power... to the people.

I want to live in Hong Kong... or Taiwan for like a year or two.

Goal #3: Get Hot Run A Marathon

2010-03-21T10:16:00.001-07:00

I come to realize that my previous goal of "Get Hot" is way too subjective. The body I want may be completely out of the realm of possibility (I don't think it is), but it's impossible to tell if it is unless I spend massive amounts of time and effort to try yet only fail to achieve that ideal body.

So I decided this time around, I'm going to make a much more specific and tangible goal, to run a marathon in either 2010 or 2011. The possibility of running in 2010 are extremely high; however, considering I know very little, it might take me a bit longer to get organized, I've left some room to run in 2011.

Wait, didn't I say I've never really ran before?

That is true, but it's quickly fading into the past. I went from running nothing to running a healthy 2 miles at a time in a bit over a month. Granted, I wasn't totally out of shape, but the hardest part was getting my body use to just running. Don't get me wrong, it's not like I'm sprinting the 2 miles, I'm taking my time (endurance first, speed second).

However, given this progress, it is very feasible that I can run a marathon this coming fall. It might take me over four hours to complete and may be the last person crawling to the finish line, but I would have finished, which is all that really matters.

It's interesting that the idea of running a marathon is spreading. My brother first asked me when I moved out here if I wanted to train with him for a half marathon. Then my friend in Maryland is training for a full marathon. I guess the motivation rubs off. Lets see if I can convince my partner, who is in much better cardiovascular shape than I am.

Marathon first, Triathlon? maybe.

Do you think I'm nuts to even consider a triathlon? Why not? I mean, as long as I finish, that's all I care about. Plus, I'll be able to call myself a triathlete, which sounds just hot. XD

Goal #2: Coexist Happily

2010-03-19T13:27:00.000-07:00

Coexist with what? I can see that confused/curious expression on your face.

My partner and I have gone though quite a bit together, but it's really a small amount compared to the rest of our lives. Although I like to think that we have gone through a number of trails in the three years we've been together, there still is one big gaping hole.

We have never lived together.

Really? Yes, really. We've gone to the same college, but my partner had a rule that we were not allowed to live together within the first year. It's actually a very sensible rule as I look back now. However, even after the first year, my partner still wasn't sure.

Could we really sustain a committed relationship?

So while in college, we often visited each other, and when he started working seven days a week, the only chance I got to see him was on the weekends as he moved closer to work. It didn't help that I volunteered on Sundays.

So no, we really haven't had a chance to live together, but we will be very soon. After living apart for a year, we will for the first time be able to call a place, our home.

So what's my goal? To take our relationship and make it grow. Our relationship has been growing in a pot, but its cracking the pot. It's time to plant our relationship in the ground, where it can grow in every direction, unhindered.

Goal #1: Rise to the Top

2010-03-18T15:35:00.000-07:00

Yes it's the middle of March and I'm just starting to talk about my goals for the year? Isn't that cheating? Maybe, but it's taken me awhile to figure out my life before figuring out some appropriate goals.

-

My life now is completely determined by my career (groan). Although I've been working for less than a year in official employment, one thing has come crystal clear to me. I hate the bottom of the corporate ladder.

The work is plenty interesting, exciting, and I believe very entertaining. It's the company politics I hate and I have huge issues that people all trying to butter up or downplay their errors. If I screwed up, I'll admit it and take ownership. Seems like there are a number of people in management at my company that will literally back stab you. What do I mean?

I mean that during a high level meeting, your very own boss gets all these questions regarding the work they're overseeing, turns to you, and goes, why the hell is it all wrong? This hasn't happened to me personally, but I've been told who does such things. I'm sorry, I have expectations for my boss to defend my/their work because 99% of the time I'm doing things the way they asked me to.

So my rather frustrating work experience with all this has pushed me even harder to achieve one thing: Rise to the Top. Top of what? The corporate ladder. How far? Far enough. If all the AVPs spend 10% of their time doing actual work (i.e. statistical analysis) and 90% managing people (i.e. meetings meetings and more meetings), I'll take that job hands down. I mean the $300,000 annual starting salary is a nice plus too.

First things first in 2010
- Pass two exams
- Gain experience in everything and anything
- Take initiative and opportunities as they arise, but don't over do it

Target: Become a certified Fellow (pass all 9 exams) within 5 years. If time allows, attain a Masters.

Incompetence

2010-03-17T17:18:00.001-07:00

I thought it best to start this post off with a picture from despair.com, which by the way is a great website. Needless to say if you easily despair, don't go there.

I've come to realize just because someone is above me in terms of "level" at work, doesn't mean their actually more intelligent. The two coworkers I have been working with for the past number of months are both higher up the corporate ladder than me. One of them, hired the same time as me, is one level higher because she has a masters. The other one has a number of years of experience working with statistics and thus is two levels higher.

Yet today for a brief moment I compared my work side by side to theirs (since we're all working on the same thing it's rather easy). That's when I realized, at least from my point of view, I've been able to work nearly double their pace. I don't mean I've done everything right the first time around, I've made many mistakes and been rather inefficient at times. But still, I was able to fix the issues faster than them going through it even once (most of the time).

Maybe I'm working too fast?

Yesterday was completely wasted because my coworker (two levels above me) believes my work too much. In fact I suspect that she doesn't even check my work at all. Let me explain.

I was "sick" Friday, more like I had a little stomach pain and I didn't really feel like going to the office, so I worked from home. Not a big deal, it just better isolates me so I don't get SO many disruptions and I work faster. However, this also leads to me doing things that my boss doesn't want me doing. I'm not doing it wrong, I'm just doing things a different way that they already chose.

Of course no one tells me this until Monday, after I've already finished everything.

Oh, and when I ask why they choose that method, my coworker just stares at me and says, "My head hurt so much Friday I didn't really understand it, I just did what [the boss] said."

You did something without trying to understand it? Really? Really? Aside: I very rarely do something without understanding it first. Number one reason: Someone is going to ask me why.

So I end up relying on my boss to explain it to me, which I should say he doesn't like repeating himself, but alas I was out and he let me off the hook. But anyway, I get the concept and do the work. Well, I guess the work actually because one, I've never done it, two, it wasn't my original idea, and three, no one gave me the specifics of how to apply it.

Well, my coworker already did it, so she should be able to check it and verify it. Right?

I finish my initial run and send the file off to her and ask her if my formulas are right. I explicitly state that I was guessing how they did it based on what I heard, so it would help for someone who actually did it to review it. Actually, besides my boss, she was the only one who knew what exactly was done.

She said everything is okay and perfect. Except the results are WAY off and just scream something is wrong. I spent all Tuesday trying to figure out another way to solve the problem because my results looked incorrect, but my formulas were "correct."

Finally at the end of the day my boss takes 1 minute to look at my work and says, there's your problem. He takes 5 seconds to explain how I misinterpreted one of the formulas. My coworker was just like... oh.

Oh?! Well, fine. I guess people over look things and what not. I'll admit I don't scrutinize everything that passes my way. However, I got really ticked when she started saying that we still had x, y, z, a, b, c, d, e.. to do. I didn't say it aloud, but if she took a look at my work, which I provided to her well in advance, she would have seen that it was all done already.

@(#*$(@#*$(*#%&*#@

Anyways, today was the day I just set the factors for an entire line of insurance. It's still hard for me to imagine that I adjusted millions of dollars of premium (annually). And no, it's not auto insurance so I can't help you there ;)

That's What I Said

2010-03-14T17:47:00.000-07:00

What goes around comes around, sometimes.

Work has been rather interesting as of late. I've discovered that after I'm done with my current project, I won't be immediately put on anything. Or more precisely, there isn't anything major for me to do. I'm not complaining, I still have an exam to study for.

However, that's not what I meant by interesting. Last week has been a roller coaster ride. Good thing I knew I was on one ahead of time. I can't say the same for my coworkers. My work has been under the magnifying glass by a team of over 15 people. They have been analyzing and scrutinizing every little detail. For the most part, my work has come off clear (whew), but there were severe draw backs that kept us going back and forth.

There was a concern I ran into early in the process that I kept raising a question on. No matter how many times someone tried to explain the concept to me, I said, "This sounds horribly flawed." I was the least experienced person and I wrote it off judging that their reasoning was something beyond my comprehension.

I raised it once confused.
I raised it twice and cited Occam's razor as I believed I had an easier method.
The third time I raised it, my boss was a bit annoyed and told me to put it to rest. Well, not directly, but he explained why they did a transformation of the data, which is what I had a huge issue with.

For example, say you're trying to predict the likelihood a family driver will get into an accident. We were considering two variables, say age of driver and number of cars. I was arguing that it would be better to keep age of driver and number of cars their own unique variables, which intuitively I believed to be completely independent of each other. However, the variables they ended up using was age and a new variable that was number of cars divided by age.

Makes no sense? That's what I said! Granted, these aren't the actual variables we were considering and there's much more math behind it all, but it gives you the idea of how much confusion I had. Regardless I was written off, but I was not defeated.

I hate stress. So much so, I'll put in a little more effort here and there if I believe something was going to catastrophically fail and no one would listen to me. I was so convinced of this failure, I continued to build the model I wanted it to be built and told no one (who would care anyway?).

Three months later (i.e. last week) the failure is clearly evident through all the testing that everyone else was doing. My project manager was frustrated, complaining to us that he was warning them of this glaring issue way before hand. I quietly thought to myself, you knew and why didn't we try to resolve it earlier? I may sound a bit harsh there, but my boss(es) have high expectations for me. Thus it is only fair that I have high expectations for them.

As my project manager pulled his hair out dealing with the testers, my coworker was completely flustered also. I on the other hand kicked back and relax. What? I already had the answer for a long time. Three hours later (I assumed that was enough time to make it look like I was stressing out like mad trying to find an answer) I had the "fix," but the fix would involve restarting a massive amount of work that was already underway.

When you're talking about restarting a process that's already cost hundreds of thousands of dollars, doing a reset is no small decision. Good thing it isn't up to me!

In the end, the decision was made to reset and I was very pleased. My project manager explained to me, "The new model just makes it easier to comprehend overall and is simpler. Not only that we have a larger amount of control over the model compared to the previous one." Hmm... isn't that what I said?

Spring Adjusting

2010-03-09T16:07:00.000-08:00

I'm not looking forward to loosing one hour this coming weekend. Especially since I wake up at 5am some days to exercise. What? You think I'm crazy for waking up that early? What about the other 20-30 people I see at the gym at that hour? That's what I thought.

Actually, waking up early has been beneficial to me. Granted I go to sleep sometime between 9 and 10, sometimes later, but I'm completely awake the entire day. I don't feel sleepy unless I had a really exhausting workout.

Anyways, here's something I'm not use to: wide temperature swings for the day. Back in Cali, when you got up, you can pretty much dress for the entire day in the morning because the temperature would maybe swing 10 degrees. Here? It's lows around 30 early morning to nearly 60 at noon?!?! How the heck am I supposed to dress? Cold or warm?

I am in an office building all day long so I guess I can't complain too much, but still my body can feel the change. And it's confused. Meh.

My next exam (Exam 4, I skipped 3 for now) is coming up fast. I'm on page 280 out of 1000. I probably could finish going through it by the end of this month if I really hunker down. Should I and then use all those extra "study hours" from work to loaf around at home? Tempting...

Oh, Command and Conquer 4 (the last of the series, tear) and Starcraft II are coming out this year. I'm excited. And the Microsoft Courier Tablet is rumored to be released this year too! Screw the iPad, the Microsoft Courier Tablet is like 100x more useful because I don't plan on watching movies and videos on a dinky little thing. That's what a TV/computer is for, DUH.

[edit] Speaking of adjusting, that Chile quake really moved the earth 10 feet. O_O I hope people don't rely on GPS driving there that much because you might find yourself missing the turn... by 10 feet.

Hair

2010-03-05T17:23:00.000-08:00

Its taken me awhile, but I'm starting to realize that I really enjoy... hair styles.

Okay, yes that sounds lame right off the bat, but I've only had two different types of hair styles my entire life: short and long. I actually really like the feel of my hair, which is the only reason why I grew it out in the first place. But my hair was extremely soft and I was always afraid style it because.. well I had no idea how to... and still don't.

On the other hand, my partner isn't someone who just enjoys hair styles, he actually does them. I've lost count how many times he's changed his hair length, style, and color. I've always been jealous of his carefree nature to do things with his hair. I always get excited when he changes his hair. So much so that the first thing I do is play with his hair by running my hand through it, which results with him giving me this disappointing look.

What? It's... fun. =]

If you're wondering, yes my partner did change his hair again not long ago. But he's 1500 miles away and unfortunately my arm can't reach that far =[

What About Monogamy?

2010-03-04T14:35:00.000-08:00

My body is complaining about my new workout routine. I accidentally fell asleep yesterday around 6pm and didn't wake up until 6am. Well, I did wake up once around 10pm when my downstairs neighbor was yelling and managed to use every single curse word in a sentence without repeating a word. I was pretty impressed, which is why I remember it, and then fell back asleep.

So I asked this broad question about what people expect from a long term relationship. There are two reasons I asked. The first is a selfish one, I wanted to know how I could make my current relationship even better. Is there something I haven't thought about before?

Back when I was in college (has it really been that long already?) I had some role models to look up to. I had (gay) friends who were in long term relationships, the longest being three years. It would be another 3-4 years before I met someone who was in a relationship for a longer period.

I wrote before about how others started to view my relationship as a role model. It's still something difficult for me to wrap my head around. It's not because I believe my relationship is bad in anyway, but I just don't imagine people wanting to be in a situation where an entire continent is physically separating the two of you. At the same time, I believe that each relationship is unique in its own way. Just because somethings are true for me doesn't necessarily mean it's true for their relationship.

The end result of all this is that a handful of my friends have come to me asking advice about relationships or sometimes to just ask "what can I do to find the right person?" To be honest, I have absolutely no idea! However, no one seems to believe me so I just tell them my own personal experience and then they seem to go of happily. I don't mean to make my own experience sound completely irrelevant, because it most definitely isn't, but what's true for me doesn't mean it is for you. I've always made an effort to end with that point.

Anyways, back to my actual point, I've noticed that the concept of monogamy in relationships has become extremely blurry to a number of my very alarmed friends. I myself am a bit surprised. Early on when I first started opening myself to the gay community at my college, there was a discussion among a bunch of gay guys about dating.

Topic: "Is a blow job a gay man's handshake?"
Moderator: "Anyone disagree?"
Person 1: "Not me."
(Silence)
Moderator: "Then we're agreed."

Well, it happened with a bit of discussion, but I was way to shy to say anything as half the room was filled with well seasoned divas.

Anyways, I've noticed that (esp among younger people) having sex outside the relationship isn't something so dreaded anymore; and to my horror, its actually becoming more acceptable among a larger group of people.

Really?

It is, but it's being disguised as, if someone in a relationship had sex outside the relationship, they just won't say anything. I mean, I fully understand no one is perfect and people slip, but to hide it? I would rather go through the pain then try to avoid it. Why? Because that's what a relationship means, to be truthful and honest. So that the next time the other person even gets tempted, they already know how much it will affect their partner.

So I was curious, how important is monogamy? Is it something that is actively expected when someone enters into a long term relationship?

Of the answers I've gotten (and since deleted), monogamy or even sex came up zero times.

If You Have A Minute

2010-03-02T18:07:00.000-08:00

This is going to be very broad question, but I'm hoping that a handful of you would answer.

What are your expectations of a long term relationship?

Be as long as you like or as short as you like. You can leave it in a comment or email it to me at hellogenation[at]g-mail. I won't publish comments for this post, but I'll explain later why I'm asking.

Friend's List

2010-03-01T17:09:00.000-08:00

I went through my facebook friends list to see how many I can remember and to remove people who really had no affiliation with me.

Out of 643 people, I removed two random people (you know, you have the same last name as me, let's add. Yes I actually remember their reason). I also couldn't recall how I know about 20 people so I might end up removing them one day.

I also put a handful of people on a newly created restricted sub-friend list. Some I just want to keep pure acquaintances. Then there are just some people I have issues with if they call me randomly. Like Mr. Clueless who called me last night at 3:30 am... well it was just after midnight for him on the west coast so I guess I shouldn't complain too much. But still, are you finding the name I gave him quite fitting?

(For some reason, I may have deleted it, I cannot find the old post in which I explained a bit about Mr. Clueless. Oh well.)

Poor Management

2010-02-28T17:48:00.000-08:00

Last week was a pretty rough week for me. Work was unbelievably stressful. No matter how much I planned things out, stress is not dependent on how well I plan things out (finishing my work 2-3 days before the deadline) but more dependent on how good of a manager you have.

Last last Thursday we had an important meeting revolving around my work. It was at that meeting that the scope of the project was enhanced to something that completely threatened my entire work. My project manager said nothing. Granted, what was mentioned and said wasn't a bad idea, but you can't suddenly change the project two days prior to delivering the actual product to the people who are paying us to do so (our projects are funded by other departments "hiring" us).

I was clearly flustered because what took me two - three weeks I would have to do in two days, four if I worked over the weekend. However, on Friday my project manager sits us down for a meeting (us being me and another coworker who just checks my work after I'm finished) and tells us that the delivery meeting was pushed back a week. A whole week! Yes, I can relax a bit more... or so I think.

Come Monday morning, 9 am. I have an email sitting in my inbox from my project manager. The meeting actually wasn't delayed, but is at 11 am... that day. #$%^&* I scramble. Every chart I can get my hands on I start collapsing into a document form and I quickly try to push data through the programs as fast as possible. My project manager comes into the office at 9:30 am.

"Did you..."
"Got it. Busy."

10:30 am. I have a hastily put together document that I'm not terribly happy about, but it'll do. (I have tremendous pride in my work, even the smallest things as the font I choose in documents has to be respective to the document). 10:45 am. I finish making copies of the documents, but the meeting is in a different office location, 15 driving minutes away. I run out of the office, throw everything into my car, hope there isn't any traffic, but inevitably hampered by the snow that is FALLING.

So not only was I delivering what I considered a botched up package (in reality, it still was "better than average" but it was totally not up to my standard), I was going to be late with everyone watching me walk in.

I get to the meeting at 11:05 am, wearing my college hoodie, gloves, and a covered box full of the copies all layered with a bit of snow. I think I should put this into more context. The meeting I walked into was a meeting with a handful of Assistant VPs and VPs of other departments. Everyone is wearing relaxed professional clothing (button up collar shirt with nice slacks and dress shoes). All of them are sitting around a lengthy table. In total, 20 people where there. Now picture me in my somewhat casual clothing covered in snow barging into the room with everyone looking as I enter. Seem a little out of place? Yeah... My project manager is the first to speak, "Just in time." I was like, because of who?

If that wasn't bad enough, the meeting ran so long that it didn't finish, so part two was delayed to Friday. At the end of the meeting, a few people stuck around and suggested even MORE ideas. So remember all that two weeks worth of work in two days that I ended up half ass-ing because the meeting was suddenly that day? They wanted me to do it all over again.

AGAIN! I was pissed as my project manager still said nothing. "It's a lot of work." BUT I'M THE ONE WHO IS ACTUALLY DOING IT, NOT YOU. STOP PROMISING ALL THIS WORK BECAUSE IT'S PISSING ME OFF!

The next two days I worked from 8 am to 10 pm attempting to finish this work with my project manager breathing down my neck. Other off comments were said by my project manager that only worsened the situation, but seriously I wanted to punch him. I don't mind doing the work, but I mind a lot more if I knowingly am doing crappy work.

Quality of my work is much more important to me than timeliness. You want good work, you need to give me more time. Not two days for two to three weeks worth of work!

Friday came and we managed to deliver another half ass-ed report. I still wasn't happy, but I was just relieved it was all over. Immediately after the meeting (~10 am), I told my boss, "I'm going home for the rest of the day, good bye" and left.

Bad Week

2010-02-27T11:10:00.000-08:00

That really doesn't fit. Horrible? Shitty? Crappy? I can't quite find the right word for it.

As you can tell this last week was horrendous.

I could have dealt with it perfectly fine if it was just work.

Work is work. You like it some days and you hate it others.

But no, other stuff had to happen. Even though I'm a bystander to the whole thing, I'm caught in the ripples that are threatening to drown me. I try to swim away but the current keeps pulling me in.

Ugh.

Completely unbelievable. The shock of nearly drowning still hasn't left me.

Facing my Fear

2010-02-21T14:25:00.000-08:00

It was a bright and sunny day in middle school. The sun baked the black pavement as the temperature was barely bearable as it teetered around three digits. It was PE period and our weekly run was today. The line for the fountain was never short.

However, that day felt different. Something had changed and I couldn't quite put my finger on it, but everything seemed brighter and carefree. Our long distance run felt like a breeze and for the first time in my long history of huffing and wheezing to the finish mark, I actually wanted to keep running.

This is so easy. It was the first and last time I've ever thought that about running.

On any other day, I would reach the finish mark and immediately collapse onto the grass. I never scored an A in PE. I was 10-15 seconds away from an A every single week. Despite English being my most dreaded and worst subject matter, I never got straight A's in middle school because of PE.

I suffer from what my doctor had called "asthma like symptoms" for as long as I could remember. It was triggered ever since I was helping clean up a yard at one of my dad's rental property (we were preparing to sell it). I was maybe three feet tall at the time and the weeds in the yard were taller than me. In fact, we found an entire chair hidden in the weeds.

Anyways, for the first time I was exposed to massive amounts of pollen for hours and my body had an equal reaction. For an entire day I was bed ridden, blue in the face, and couldn't move. I could barely breath. What normally would send parents rushing their kid into the emergency room, my parents opted to "see how it goes." (Why even bother buying medical insurance?)

I eventually recovered, but since then my body has been super sensitive to a variety of allergens and I have painfully learned them over time (horses are among the worst). As a result, in middle school where we would run over grass, I would always have some... difficulty.

Yet on that one day I described earlier, I actually experienced a day where my breathing was completely unhindered. It felt amazing. Imagine breathing through a straw your entire life and then suddenly being allowed to just breath through your mouth. Yet only lasted that one day.

I avoided running for the years to come. I was horrible at it, never being able to run even a 8 minute mile (more like 12 in middle school). However, it's come to a point where I need to face my fear of always sucking at running head on. I need to prove to myself that I can get better at it with persistence and training.

Endurance has always been the pitfall for me in any sport. I would always do amazingly well or at least decent for the first 10 minutes of any game. Then I would suck.

In short distance, I was ironically one of the fastest runners. In long distance, I was one of the slowest.

Time to change that.

Gone?

2010-02-19T21:20:00.001-08:00

If you're wondering where I've been and why I'm so silent, I will welcome you to the world of being an actuary where your social life is completely dictated by the cycle of exams. Take a guess of what I have coming up in just over two months.

I have, at minimum, another three and a half years of exams left to take (longer if I fail any exam). That's three and a half years before I can break free of this cycle.

Now I'm not saying I'm going away complete, but just that my frequency of posting is going way way way down. It's not so much I don't have the time to write. It's more of I don't have any exciting stories beyond work and studying right now.

Besides that, just a friendly reminder to pay your taxes. =P

Problems vs. Solutions

2010-02-13T10:29:00.000-08:00

So there's this email going around that happened to land in my inbox. Is it just me who has issues with the email? Especially the last sentence? Seriously this is being forwarded around by a group of educated people (regardless of political affiliation)?

========================

How do like this message coming from Lee Iacocca. Obama may turn out to be a one term president. Wouldn't it be a blessing?

Please read all the way to the bottom. AMEN to the last sentence.

Subject: IACOCCA SPEAKS OUT ON OBAMA

Iacocca still has it together at 82.

Just as true today as it was when his book first came out [referring to Obama]. He was, and still is, a brilliant businessman! Often we need to be reminded of Iococca's words..

Remember Lee Iacocca, the man who rescued Chrysler Corporation from its death throes? He's now 82 years old and has a new book, 'Where Have All The Leaders Gone?'.

Lee Iacocca Says:

'Am I the only guy in this country who's fed up with what's happening? Where the hell is our outrage with this so called president? We should be screaming bloody murder! We've got a gang of tax cheating clueless leftists trying to steer our ship of state right over a cliff, we've got corporate gangsters stealing us blind, and we can't even run a ridiculous cash-for-clunkers program without losing $26 billion of the taxpayers' money, much less build a hybrid car.. But instead of getting mad, everyone sits around and nods their heads when the politicians say, 'trust me the economy is getting better...'

Better? You've got to be kidding. This is America , not the damned, 'Titanic'. I'll give you a sound bite: 'Throw all the Democrats out along with Obama!'

You might think I'm getting senile, that I've gone off my rocker, and maybe I have. But someone has to speak up. I hardly recognize this country anymore..

The most famous business leaders are not the innovators but the guys in handcuffs.. While we're fiddling in Afghanistan , Iran is completing their nuclear bombs and missiles and nobody seems to know what to do. And the liberal press is waving 'pom-poms' instead of asking hard questions. That's not the promise of the ' America ' my parents and yours traveled across the ocean for. I've had enough. How about you?

I'll go a step further. You can't call yourself a patriot if you're not outraged. This is a fight I'm ready and willing to have. The Biggest 'C' is Crisis! (Iacocca elaborates on nine C's of leadership, with crisis being the first.)

Leaders are made, not born. Leadership is forged in times of crisis. It's easy to sit there with thumb up your butt and talk theory. Or send someone else's kids off to war when you've never seen a battlefield yourself. It's another thing to lead when your world comes tumbling down.

On September 11, 2001, we needed a strong leader more than any other time in our history. We needed a steady hand to guide us out of the ashes. A hell of a mess, so here's where we stand.

We're immersed in a bloody war now with no plan for winning and no plan for leaving. But our soldiers are dying daily.

We're running the biggest deficit in the history of the world, and it's getting worse every day!

We've lost the manufacturing edge to Asia , while our once-great companies are getting slaughtered by health care costs.

Gas prices are going to skyrock again, and nobody in power has a lucid plan to open drilling to solve the problem. This country has the largest oil reserves in the WORLD, and we cannot drill for it because the politicians have been bought by the flea-hugging environmentalists.

Our schools are in a complete disaster because of the teachers union.

Our borders are like sieves and they want to give all illegals amnesty and free health-care.

The middle class is being squeezed to death every day..

These are times that cry out for leadership.

But when you look around, you've got to ask: 'Where have all the leaders gone?' Where are the curious, creative communicators? Where are the people of character, courage, conviction, omnipotence, and common sense? I may be a sucker for alliteration, but I think you get the point.

Name me a leader who has a better idea for homeland security than making us take off our shoes in airports and throw away our shampoo?

We've spent billions of dollars building a huge new bureaucracy, and all we know how to do is react to things that have already happened.

Everyone's hunkering down, fingers crossed, hoping the government will make it better for them. Now, that's just crazy.. Deal with life.

Name me an industry leader who is thinking creatively about how we can restore our competitive edge in manufacturing. Who would have believed that there could ever be a time when 'The Big Three' referred to Japanese car companies? How did this happen, and more important, look what Obama did about it!

Name me a government leader who can articulate a plan for paying down the debit, or solving the energy crisis, or managing the health care problem. The silence is deafening. But these are the crises that are eating away at our country and milking the middle class dry.

I have news for the Chicago gangsters in Congress. We didn't elect you to turn this country into a losing European Socialist state. What is everybody so afraid of? That some bonehead on NBC or CNN news will call them a name? Give me a break. Why don't you guys show some spine for a change?

Had Enough? Hey, I'm not trying to be the voice of gloom and doom here. I'm trying to light a fire. I'm speaking out because I have hope - I believe in America .. In my lifetime, I've had the privilege of living through some of America 's greatest moments. I've also experienced some of our worst crises: The 'Great Depression,' 'World War II,' the 'Korean War,' the 'Kennedy Assassination,' the 'Vietnam War,' the 1970's oil crisis, and the struggles of recent years since 9/11.

Make your own contribution by sending this to everyone you know and care about. It's our country, folks, and it's our future. Our future is at stake!!

***********************************

LET'S GET THE MUSLIM ROOKIE OUT OF THE WHITEHOUSE!!!

=================================

Now I suspect that it was someone else who added the last line, but I would think another person would delete it BEFORE sending it on?

Anyways, it's always easy to be a critic and to point out problems. I honestly believe there isn't a solution that will make everyone happy when it comes to the lives of millions of Americans. I also won't deny that the email does have valid points, but with all this going on it's silent on one thing, can you point out someone who CAN provide this "leadership"?

I haven't bothered to verify any of the claims made in the email, I leave that up to you if you're at all interested, but I just had two issues with it that I had to say. 1) It makes the "solutions" sound so easy when they aren't and 2) That last sentence.

Buddy List

2010-02-12T18:36:00.001-08:00

I have never seen my buddy list so empty. I normally have 20-30 people signed on, but tonight that number has dwindled to an amazing 6 people.

Having fun this weekend are we? ;)

Weather

2010-02-10T18:40:00.000-08:00

I'll say first off that no, I'm not speaking about areas like DC or even NY for that matter. However, for as much attention this latest snow storm got, it was rather underwhelming. I was actually looking forward to the 6 inches to foot of snowfall expected to fall throughout the day; but even now, I would say we would be lucky to get even 2 inches.

Lame.

The snow storm was "so predictable" that schools, business, and the government shut their doors all day. A coworker of mine complained over the phone during a meeting, "It's noon and it hasn't even snowed yet." She was right and she had to battle her kids as she attempted to do work.

A Visit

2010-02-09T17:09:00.000-08:00

My partner came out to visit this past weekend and as I write this, his plane home is taxiing down the runway for take off. We're pretty lucky considering a major snow storm is about to hit Connecticut and bury us with at least 6 inches of snow. I took a trip to the local supermarket, which was rather busy for a normal Tuesday evening, to gather some food supplies to ride out the storm in the comfort of my place.

Yet, when I opened my door, I wasn't met with the stale musty smell that usually greeted me, but rather a more refreshing floral smell. My partner had bought an air fresher for my apartment while he was here. It's only that and a dress shirt he left me are the only two things that can prove he even visited. Is that it? Is that all?

His visit consisted of barely four days. It was the most fun I've ever had since moving out here to CT.

Unbelievable

2010-02-04T17:29:00.000-08:00

My brother's girlfriend stopped at a gas station and my brother got out of the car to get the gas. The engine was still running as my brother was getting the pump. The car is still on...

"Um... are you going to turn the engine off?"
"Huh? What? You turn the engine off?"
"Yes."
"Oh. Why?"
"Because an engine can act as a point of ignition and can cause a massive explosion?"
"Ohh. Okay." [engine turns off]

She holds a BA and is in dental school. Really?

-

So my direct supervisor asked me to get a time line for my current project. Things are starting to rev up and I might actually be "soon" off my project and onto a new one... err the one I should have been on three months ago.

Anyways, my project supervisor told me that he expected the project to be just as demanding for the next two weeks before starting to taper off.

Just as demanding? Next two weeks?

You want to know what I've been doing this past week? Trying to fill in the time because I've had so much extra time. I should have found an excuse to work from home because I'd just finish my work early in the morning, goof off the rest of the day, then towards the end of the day email out my work.

What? Unethical? No. It's the advantage from working from home.

Nightmares

2010-02-02T19:46:00.000-08:00

The one disadvantage to having a very active imagination is that when you have nightmares, they can be very vivid and leave you gasping for air.

A couple of weeks ago I had a nightmare. Your probably would read it and just be like whatever, but it hit home to me. So much so I couldn't sleep for awhile after.

I was in the basement of some house. How exactly did I get there I have no idea, nor do I have any idea where such a place would exist as none of the houses I've ever lived in has had a basement. The basement wasn't finished. None of the walls were finished, but the wood frames were up. I was in a dark part of the basement, hidden from the general view, as if hiding but not intentionally.

I was looking past a rather large number of wooden pillars towards the center of the basement. There, there was a clip-on light angled down to the floor. It was very bright and lit up most the basement. Directly below the light was a TV and a single couch. There was a man sitting on the couch lazily watching the TV. The man was middle aged man. I couldn't see his face, nor make out much detail as my sight was very muddy. However, the thought "Dad" crossed my mind.

The TV blared something I couldn't understand. The warm yellow low created this rather eerie yet comfortable feel. The only thing I could sense though, was dread.

I blinked.

There was another man in the room. It's when I realized there were stairs that lead up somewhere, I was guessing the rest of the house. Oddly the stairs lead straight to the center of the basement. The middle aged man and the other man, who appeared younger but taller, were arguing. I couldn't hear anything. All I saw was the gestures. The younger man appeared very pissed. "Brother" came to mind.

In a classic father son argument, the dad used his father authority to overrule the son, who by no means looked young. The brother left upstairs very angry. The dad sat back in the chair.

The brother started to come down the stairs again, still angry. I suddenly found myself in front of the brother, stop, don't go. Calm down. His forceful movement forward and the anger I could just feel from him scared me away. I wanted to desperately stop him. I wanted to hold him back.

The dad saw him and got up from his chair. This was the only thing I could make out, "What did I say? Do you want to argue more?" in this taunting voice.

All I could feel was dread, guilt, horror. I was in the back feeling completely hopeless. I wanted to run forward but couldn't move. The brother approached the dad closer with the dad standing firm to his ground.

I saw the brother, with his right arm hidden behind him, swing forward with it. In his hand was a weight. It smacked the dad in the left temple. I screamed, the brother fled. The dad flinched violently, unable to protect himself in time. He tried to take a stance as if defending himself in a fight. His arms flung up and then tried to get into a fighting stance. It never happened. He was seizing. Massive brain trauma came to mind as I was running forward screaming. His body fell to the floor seizing. There wasn't really any blood, but I was crying, crying so much. I wrapped my arms around the dad's head holding him close to my body as if that would some how cure him.

His body kept twitching violently as I held his head, crying.

I woke up violently in bed. My heart was racing. I already knew towards the end of the dream I was half awake. It's happened before where I was conscious that I was awake but still "trapped" in a dream. It feels like being pulled out of a theater as a movie is ending and you're stretching your head out to see the end right as you're pulled out. (Though, that usually happens when I have a wet dream in the rare occasions.) It felt like a train just ran over me. The adrenaline running through my body didn't help at all. I slowed my breathing and laid back down in bed.

I can't remember the last time I was genuinely scared as I grabbed my blanket in reflex. My partner has seen me go through a nightmare once before. But he wasn't there that night and I watched the light flicker through the blinds.

I guess deep down I'm terribly afraid of losing my dad before he comes around. The thought of him not being there was just so heart wrenching and there's absolutely nothing I can do about it.

And no I don't believe my brother would ever do such an atrocity. Nor I.

Bragging Rights

2010-01-31T15:25:00.001-08:00

Wall Street Journal released an article awhile back ranking jobs.

Oh look at what's number one! =]

[WSJ] Click Here

Linked In

2010-01-30T15:29:00.000-08:00

Does it really work?

It's been a question that really has kept me taking LinkedIn half seriously. If you don't know what it is, it's a place where you put your resume online. The idea is that recruiters and companies can then scout for people and also for people like us can apply for jobs and provide easy access to our resumes as we apply for positions. Think of is as a "professional" Facebook profile.

Although I'm rather early in my career, I still like to think I have a pretty decent resume (if you know me, you can search for me). However, my name actually is much more common that I first thought. That is a simple web search will result in CEOs, Medical Doctors, a variety of computer programmers, etc with my first and last name. I never realized it would be this hard for me to just OWN my name.

Well, the other day I thought I'd take LinkedIn more seriously and make an honest effort to sell myself. If there's a recruiter out there either on the West coast or in a major metropolitan area here on the East coast and is willing to offer me what I want, why not make it more worth while for them to actually read my resume?

So I completely revamped my LinkedIn profile putting detailed information of my past work and current work. I also listed a variety of certifications I am pursuing but don't have yet (most people don't realize that simply pursuing a certification on a resume is almost as good as having it already). I did this last night around 10pm.

I woke up this morning with a job offer in North Carolina. Yes, I was just as surprised.

Unfortunately the job was purely a programming job for a coding language (SAS) I am simply pursing certification for (see? told you it helps). I declined as I was over qualified for that position. Also, I can make a lot more money being an actuary than a programmer.

So LinkedIn actually works? The simple offer already exceeded my expectations from that site. I thought I might just get a question or two from some recruiters (i.e. do you want me to be a job hunter for you?)

If you haven't created or have a LinkedIn resume profile already, I highly recommend that you update it with your latest information. Be sure to put what you're looking for on there (i.e. preferred location of work, what kind of work, etc) because I can guarantee that recruiters are monitoring those sites. If there's someone willing to offer you a better job than what you currently do, wouldn't you want them to tell you about it? What do you have to lose?

The Purpose of Other Projects

2010-01-29T17:01:00.000-08:00

From day one of joining the company I work for, even as an intern, I was told that the sole reason other projects exists is to make you content with your own. They gave an example of how our HR department works. By and large I have to say they have made an honest effort to keep the records straight, but HOW to accomplish that has changed over the years.

First it was system A, which everyone hated.
Two years later, they came out with system B, which was worse and everyone suddenly liked system A.
Another two years later, system C rolls out (our current one) and suddenly A looks like a gold mine and B people were content with.

So switch over to projects within our department, I have definitely complained about my current project and the methods used to execute it; so much so I won't even bother linking you to a relevant post because it's that easy to find. But over my cubical wall my coworker has been working on a different project.

"It's almost done."

I've heard that starting two months ago. Their project was delayed for so long, it had to go all the way up the executive chain to get approval to extend the deadline. To pin an exact time, nearly 4-5 months late. They're already running up against their new deadline and are scrambling to meet it. How bad is it? They discovered a critical error today in their work and they called a TRUE "fire drill." It went down like this:

In a calm, cool voice the director of the project (and her boss present) asked, "Team, everyone, gather around. We have a fire drill. Who's available tonight and over the weekend?"

"Okay, we have people, do you all have resources to meet your needs? No? (Looks around at everyone in the workplace) Can you give up your computer over the weekend? [Hellogenation] can you?"

Yes, that's right, I was asked and had to give up my ability to continue to work. That was a true fire drill and I have never been happier that I was not directly involved in the project (they joking asked me if I could work and I just said you can have my computer, not me).

So maybe my boss wasn't really joking before. =/

At 4:30pm my coworker next to me EXPLODES, literally. She stops herself short from cussing, but she she screams and stomps over to her supervisor and informs them, "My computer ran out of space and the (over two hour) program I was running crashed." She puts her head in her hands and her supervisor laughs to lighten the mood (what else can you do right?). This new actuary who recently rotated into the project makes a sigh and looks at me and says, "I'm so glad I rotated into this project."

I simply smiled, got my things together, and left.

Never Driving in the Snow

2010-01-28T14:42:00.000-08:00

UNLESS I absolutely have to.

I came home early from work due to a fear that it was going to snow horrendously during the evening commute. However, the time came and I saw this wall of white flying down for roughly an hour. The reports I read said that the tail end of the storm was passing. It looked like it already passed, so I figured why not head to the gym (my normal routine right after work) as not much snow really accumulated.

Worst. Idea. Ever.

This is the first time I have been so thankful for whoever invented ABS, because my car used them for the first time today. I pulled out of my parking lot and went down this road. At the end, there's a small slight downhill section that intersects with the main road leading out of this local. I was going pretty slow to begin with, but as I approached the intersection and being the cautious driver I always am, stepped on the brakes at the beginning of the down hill section.

That saved my car.

The car didn't even slow down in the slightest. Actually it started speeding up! I've never experienced black ice before and here I was skidding on black ice hidden beneath the snow, DOWNHILL!

I slammed the brakes and heard / felt the ABS system kicking in and I barely slowed down. I was 15 feet from the intersection where the crossing traffic does NOT have a stop sign. I braced myself for the worst. 10 feet, not slowing down still... 5 feet... then my tires regained traction and my car suddenly jerked to a stop. I was lucky that there wasn't a car in front or behind me. Oh and I did stop just at the stop sign.

I could feel the pounding of my heart in my chest as if I just ran 10 miles. I looked at the crossing traffic. Far off in the distance a car was coming. Well, that was scary. I continued driving and tested out my brakes a bit. Worked like a charm. I got to the next intersection. Hit the gas pedal and my tires slipped.

I knew I was in a pretty bad situation, but I made it though that intersection perfectly fine while taking my time to do so. Whatever, I thought, I'll be at the gym for two hours and the plows will clean up the roads by then (it usually takes less than a hour since I live really close to very busy roads).

As I continued driving, it was clear that the storm had not completely passed. Visibility dropped to, "I think that's two cars stopped in front of me" and decided going further was not worth my life. I turned to head back.

I drove less than a mile from where I live and looped back. In that narrow path, I saw 1...2...3...4 car accidents. None of them major, just cars bumping into each other, except one where all I could see were flashing police lights.

So I headed back, slowly and gave myself 30 feet of space to the car in front of me. I got all the way back perfectly fine until I realized.. remember that hill I came DOWN? I had to get UP that hill now.

When I got to the intersection, one car was already stuck off to the side and another car was coming down to help that car out. There was a car in front of me that was making this really weird path in front of me and I was scratching my head. I knew there was black ice, but the section was pretty small, right?

WRONG.

The black ice covered the entire slope up. I was pressing my gas pedal and barely moving (right behind the other car) and our cars kept leaning right (we started in the wrong side of the road and ended up on the right side of the road). My steering wheel was turned all the way to the left. The experience was just completely shocking to me. I've heard this story so many times, having your steering wheel all the way to one side and just driving STRAIGHT. I guess you never really know what that means until you actually drive it. BUT AT LEAST I WAS MOVING FORWARD!

What made it worse is that a car was coming the opposite direction. Remember how much trouble I had stopping? That car was headed right at the car in front of me. Losing speed control, the oncoming car banks left goes up on curve and is able to hit traction on the grass and stop.

I eventually made it back to my apartment as you can tell.

But seriously, what the !!!!